A DOULA IS THANKFUL..........

As the end of another year of attending women approaches, I can't help but reflect on the blessings in my life as a birth attendant. It would be easy to become distracted by the many obstacles that rolled in my path this year.....the arrest of my midwife, a divide in the doula/midwife community, the fight for the rights of women that sometimes seems an enormous mountain to climb. But in anyone's life, if you look close enough, you can see the blessings. I want to express my thankfulness for some of those here:

1. I am thankful for women who want to be informed. It isn't easy to read all the books and sift through the plethora of information on the internet to try to find the truth. These women print articles, study statistics and relentlessly pursue truth all for the benefit of the baby that they carry into this world. It isn't easy to make a decision about birth that makes your family gasp, shake their heads and murmur about you behind your back. It is hard to be the lone woman in a playgroup who doesn't make the same birth decisions as the majority. It's hard to stand for something that will inevitably cause you more pain and work than anything else in your life. But they do it....and they do it well. I am blessed to know them and serve them.

2. I am thankful for Dr. Susan Roque, Certified Nurse Midwife Marcia Ensminger, and Certified Nurse Midwife Nicole Winecoff. These women stand in the face of those who would run them out of town daily and they fight for the rights of women birthing in the hospital. They also provide an out of hospital option, The Natural Beginnings Birth Center, for women who may not be ready for a homebirth, but also don't want the trappings of the hospital experience. For those going to the hospital, they offer respect and an ear that listens to a woman's wishes. They do not strive to be in control or to manipulate a woman into doing what is easiest for them. They do not make decisions based on the possibility of a lawsuit that could wipe out their possessions and career. Despite being harassed by hospital administrators, unnecessarily investigated by fellow doctors with cesarean rates 4 times their own(who should be investigated?), they stand and serve the women who seek them wanting something better......something different for themselves and their babies. They challenge their peers with a cesarean rate of 17% in the face of others having rates over 40% and show them that it can be done. However, their lives would be less stressful and easier all around if they just gave in and played the game like the others. However, empowered birth is a cause that burns in their souls and for them to do that would be to compromise their calling and their convictions. I wish everyone knew how hard it is to stand for something so sacred in the midst of the billionaire boys club of doctors who would rather see you crash and burn.

3. I am thankful for my family. They wait for me to come home. They remain quiet so that I can catch up on my sleep. They ask about the women I birth with. They care about each one. My tween son likes to keep track of how many boys and girls are born from month to month. My four year old says that birth is fun. My husband turns off the movie we just got into with grace and understanding as I run out the door. He sleeps alone many nights and patiently keeps the fires burning at home in my absence. My mother will scramble to pick up my children so that I can reach a mother whose poor husband is calling me saying, "Please, come quick!" and she will pray fervently for the mother having a long and difficult labor. Without all of them, I would not be able to provide the care that I do.

4. I am thankful for my mentors. The midwives and women who have taught me everything I know are my superheroes. My midwife has taught me well and the other midwives that surround me have shaped and fashioned me into the birth professional that I have become. They have taught me respect for labor, compassion for mothers and the importance of a baby's first moments. They risk their freedom daily for the cause of a woman's right to birth where she desires and with who she desires. They give a woman a sip of water, hold her crying toddler while charting a blood pressure, clean a bathroom after a laboring mom vomits all over it and comfort a woman after a miscarriage. They don't have an answering service and they do make house calls. The compensation they receive is minuscule and they sacrifice their own needs to wait for a client's tax return or a father to find a new job so that the financial pressures won't put added stress on the family.

5. I am thankful for medical intervention. When it is truly needed, it is lifesaving and invaluable. When a mother develops a complication or when baby is not well, our system and technology can provide life saving therapies and support that can give moms and babies a good outcome and hope for a future.

6. I am thankful for doulas who live to serve women. These women sacrifice so much.....going into the hospital and helping women to navigate what can quickly become an island of chaos and intervention. When doulas function in their calling, they spread encouragement and hope to everyone they touch. They put a woman's needs above their own agendas or philosophies even when it is difficult. And they support the birth community....helping to make it a stronger and more united place......always promoting the needs of women and babies.

7. I am thankful for our legislatures whose names are here http://www.ncleg.net/gascripts/members/memberList.pl?sChamber=House and here http://www.ncleg.net/gascripts/members/memberList.pl?sChamber=Senate who I believe will do the right thing for women in 2012 and license CPMs to help provide a safer homebirth community in NC. I believe that they will look at the facts and recognize that homebirth is increasing, despite our antiquated laws, and that they will bring them up to date. It's hard to institute change and it comes with a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but it is crucial to becoming a stronger state and reducing our infant and maternal mortality.

8. I am thankful for North Carolina Friends of Midwives. www.ncfom.com If you have not joined, please do. They need your help now more than ever. They need your dollars...plain and simple. The work they do provides no financial compensation but costs more than you could imagine. If you ever intend to have a baby in NC, then their work affects the experience that you will have. The advocacy that they provide improves the birth environment overall for all women and they do not take this lightly.

9. I am thankful for the moms who function in my birth community. They are incredible. When someone loses their husband, they rally together and buy grocery gift cards and other needed things. When someone has a baby in June and their air conditioning malfunctions, they put their resources together and provide for her. The see a need, and they respond. When a midwife is arrested, women pledge support and resources to help her, whether she delivered their baby or not. These women exude love and understanding. They unite for a common cause despite their individual differences. They bring their nursing babies and sleepy toddlers on a three hour trip to demonstrate to their local government that they expect to be heard and counted. They bless me. When I have lost my faith in man, they remind me that there is not only hope, but abundant support always waiting in the wings.

Sometimes it is overwhelming to look around and see everything that God is doing in my life. I know that this good work will continue. It has to. Giving in to the mainstream isn't an option because too many people stand to be harmed.

So on this Thanksgiving, I will reflect on these and other wonderful blessings and remember that despite a flailing economy, an oppressed birth climate and a shameful infant mortality rate in NC, I am personally abundantly blessed by those around me. I am surrounded by people who care and who stand ready to provide something better........one woman at a time.

Does God care how I feed my baby?

I am not a confrontational person....really....I'm not. When my food isn't cooked exactly like I ordered it, I would rather just eat it than complain about it. My husband is good about speaking for me when I'm too chicken to speak for myself. Even as a birth professional, I don't give information unless it is solicited. The older I get, the less I enjoy those hard conversations.

On the day I saw the flyer, I didn't really envision a hard conversation. I was at a church where I had attended in the past as a single mother. The church had been very loving and supportive to me and had always been doctrinally sound in all of their teachings. So when I saw the flyer for Growing Kids God's Way classes forming, I took one of the tear off tabs. I wondered if, being a smaller church, they were aware of the current recommendations about feeding infants and how vastly different those were from the current recommendations from physicians, midwives and lactation professionals. I called the number and left a message.

I got a call back but missed it. A very sweet woman left a message for me. She was very excited that I was interested in classes. I began thinking that maybe my information wouldn't be welcome and honestly, just ignored the message and didn't return the call. I didn't want any uncomfortable conversation. I mean, it's the responsibility of each Christian to weigh what any man says against the Word of God, which is our final authority(2 Timothy 2:15).

But she called again. I was in the car and tired and I admittedly should have rescheduled the conversation. But God knows me better than I know myself and knows I probably would have put it off again in an effort to avoid a potentially difficult conversation. I told her I was a local birth professional and asked her if the curriculum she was teaching still taught from the Babywise book that encouraged a feeding schedule and the goal of having a baby sleeping through the night by 12 weeks. The answer was yes. I also asked if she was aware of the current documentation about infant feeding and how scheduled feedings were against all the current research as well as potentially dangerous.

I admit that I had an expectation. I really thought that regardless of how she felt, I would be asked to send some information and told that it would be looked at and that I may never hear from anyone again, but at least I would know that I had shared the truth. Instead, I was immedately met with defense for the Ezzos and their curriculum. There was no concern about the medical evidence....only that of the Ezzos. I was, however, asked to provide a scripture that proved that demand feeding was Biblical. Since I am not teaching something called "Growing Kids GOD'S Way", I really feel like the burden of proof on proving something to be God's way should be on those teaching something that is labeled GOD'S WAY! However, in order to possibly help one person who may read this and have second thoughts about using this method of feeding/sleep training for a baby, I will do my best.

Let's start with MY experience. I am a believer. By that, I mean I believe that Jesus died on the cross to save our sins and that if you believe in Him and put your faith in trust in Him as Lord of your life, then you are "saved." I believe that the body of Christ consists of ALL believers collectively, not individual churches and that we are all a family in Christ. It seemed to be a concern during one part of the conversation that I was not a member of this particular church that was holding the class. I am not, but I am a member of the body/bride of Christ.

In 1997 I gave birth to my second child. It was a failed induction that ended in a cesarean. The recovery was painful and hard. I also had a child who had a tight frenulum or a "tongue tie" and this made for some issues of great pain with nursing. Once the tongue issue was resolved, things were better, but by then my baby had become somewhat fussy and I was not getting any sleep. Combined with being in a strained marriage, already having a 7 year old and still feeling the effects of my surgery on my body, I was discouraged and exhausted. So when I walked in to my church bookstore that evening(which was 13 years ago and no longer where I attend church) and I saw on the cover, "SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT BY 8 WEEKS" I thought I must be dreaming. I would have paid $100 for the book that day. I was so tired. I bought it immediately and read it during church instead of listening to the sermon. I felt desperate. Of course, I now know that this is a normal part of mothering a newborn, but at the time, I wasn't aware of that. I began the program immediately. It was hard to implement the feeding schedule. I mean, my baby seemed hungry more often than the book said he should. In the books defense, it did say if your baby is hungry, feed him. But being in the state of mind I was, which as a birth professional I find most women end up in at some point, I was too scared to be flexible. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to work. I wanted to follow it to the letter so it would work. The book was confusing. Sometimes it would speak to flexibility, but then it would talk about those demand feeding people who let their babies rule their lives and ruin their marriages. I wanted two things: 1. I wanted to sleep. 2. I wanted to please God. I fed my baby on a schedule....I let him cry so he could learn to fall asleep on his own and not be allowed to manipulate me. When he would cry I would feel like it was wrong, but again.....sleep and pleasing God. This was God's way. And it worked. My baby began sleeping 5-6 hours just like the book said and barely cried anymore because if they are content and happy, they have no reason to cry. I was a good mom. I was sleeping. But most of all, I was pleasing God.

As my baby grew, he developed some odd habits in his play. He would spin incessantly in his exersaucer. He crawled and walked late. He was not saying anything. He resisted being held and acted uncomfortable with snuggles and kisses. By age three, my child was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. This was in 2000 and autism was just beginning to be understood but was not the household word it is today. I was told that this was typical behavior of autistic kids to resist touch and affection and not to take it personally. HOpefully through therapy , he would learn to appreciate hugs and kisses again.

I was devastated. All those nights my baby cried for me to hold him and nurse him to sleep and I had let him cry. Now my baby didn't want to be held and I had wasted the little bit of time when he craved affection and touch. I would never be able to get those days and moments back and the days going forward would be a challenge. Suddenly, God's way seemed very uncharacteristic of God.

Please understand, I don't believe that Babywise had anything to do with my child having autism. This was an inherited condition. But there was a window of time with his condition where I could have given him that love and affection, but instead, I chose to train him to eat and sleep. When he finally quit crying and I thought I had succeeded and produced a happy baby thanks to Babywise, what I was really seeing was the haunting effects of autism creeping in. In fact, as a toddler, he hardly cried at all and still to this day has trouble with understanding sadness and reacting appropriately to it. But at the time, I mistook it for the wonderful results of being a Babywise baby which were sleeping through the night, content to play on their own and eating on the schedule.

I have to take responsibility for my actions. I began to question and realize that Ezzo's teachings, while they seemed logical, were not Biblical. However, this was being taught as God's way....not parenting tips for the Christian household.....God's way.

I am not the first person to question Babywise. Dr.James Dobson felt compelled to release a statement about it. Click HERE for that statement. In fact, I began to find out that Gary Ezzo and his wife had serious questions looming over them about their character and integrity. Those things have been condensed HERE.

I grew up in the church. I know that pastors and teachers are held to a higher standard of accountability by God. This is why I struggle to understand how church leaders can endorse and encourage a doctrine that claims to be God's design when it is written by a pastor who does not fit the Biblical criteria.

1 Timothy 3:1-7 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. (NAS)

Titus 1:7-11 For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, that he may be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain. (NAS)

Even if only a small portion of the accuasations against Gary Ezzo are true, he has clearly violated the scriptures as one whose teachings should be considered sound.

So is demand feeding Biblical? Do the Scriptures have anything to say about the nursing relationship. Thankfully, yes.

1 Peter 2:2-3 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

I find it interesting....the word CRAVE. So apparently, it is a given that newborn babies, by God's very design, will crave the breast. In the same way, we are to crave spiritual growth. Is God saying that we should desire this growth only at certain times? I think not. It seems that we should be craving it night and day, just like a baby craves food.

Isaiah 66: 11 For you will nurse and be satisfied
at her comforting breasts;
you will drink deeply
and delight in her overflowing abundance.”
12 For this is what the LORD says:
“I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream;
you will nurse and be carried on her arm
and dangled on her knees.
13 As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you;
and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Here the prophet speaks the Word of the Lord and again, uses the nursing relationsihp as a metaphor for God's own comfort given to his chilren. We also see here the assumption that the nursing relationship is about so much more than nutrition. It is a spiritual experience. Is there any indication here that God regulates this comfort? It there any indication that it should be received on a schedule? No, it is overflowing and abundant and drinking deeply is recommended. There is no concern here for metabolism or gluttony. To reduce breastfeeding to just a feeding issue is, it seems, blasphemous.

1 Thessalonians 2: 7-9 Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.

Once again, we see a parallel to the nursing relationship. But here, we see the Bible speak to the work and effort that it is. Did the ministers here seek their own needs? Did they worry about their needs for sleep and relationships. No, in fact, they displayed the equivalent of the nursing relationship as ministry. Could it be that nursing/feeding our babies is an act of ministering to our children? Would we regiment this? No, we would work day and night, just as they did.

Lamentations 4: 3-4
Even jackals offer their breasts
to nurse their young,
but my people have become heartless
like ostriches in the desert.
Because of thirst the infant’s tongue
sticks to the roof of its mouth;
the children beg for bread,
but no one gives it to them.

Interesting here that an animals nursing behavior is brought up. If we look at animals and the way they nurse their young, night nursing is paramount. It is the time when the mother is still and they are usually in a protected place. Could it be that even though we are above the animals, that theirs and our instincts for eating and feeding are the same?

It appears to me that the Bible makes plenty of parallels to nursing and our very own relationship to God. It is a way that we can learn to comprehend the unconditional, deep and overflowing love of God and to make it about scheduled feeding is concerning. Churches need to ask themselves:

1. Is the church qualified to teach women how to feed their babies especially when that feeding pattern is discouraged and contraindicated by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization, the Le Leche League and many other medical/lactation professionals who specialize in the care of mothers and babies?

2. Is the church following the the Biblical standards for teachers and pastors by encouraging the work of the Ezzos?

3. Does the church teach a balance and properly explain the relationship that the Bible makes to breastfeeding and our relationship to Christ?

4. Is the church prepared to support and be accountable for any negative issues that may arise in the health of a baby from their teaching of this curriculum?

5. Has it been proven scripturally that this curriculum truly is God's way for feeding a baby?

If I am wrong, may God bring swift correction to me.

But in my work with women and babies, I see daily how motherhood was so perfectly and intricately designed by God. A I watch the process of birth, unadulterated and uninterrupted, I see the results of "being knit together in my mothers womb" and how God has truly created a process that works. Babies are born knowing what they need and they are given their cries to express those needs and ask for comfort. Who are we to interfere with that process? Who is Gary Ezzo to change God's design? I don't believe it needs any improvement and when I stand before the Lord, I don't want to have to answer for trying to do that.

Let me way, I also realize that not everyone is physically able to nurse. I don't always know why these things happen. We live in a broken world where our bodies do not sometimes function the way we would like them to. Thankfully, it isn't often, but I have watched mothers try everything under the sun to help a low milk supply or severe latch issues. I have watched babies struggle to gain weight despite being nursed around the clock. I know that God extends the same spiritual benefits to the bottle feeding relationship when it becomes necessary for a babies to be healthy. Bottle feeding/supplementation can be done with the same closeness as nursing when it is the option that becomes necessary. Holding, loving, babywearing and keeping babies close to our bodies also provides that closeness when nursing is not physically possible.

In the end, do unto others as you would have them do to you. When you are old and unable to feed yourself and possibly unable to communicate with words, do you want your hunger ignored? Do you want your life regimented to 3 meals a day and sleeping all night. Or do you want someone to respond to you when you are hungry regardless of how long it has been since you last ate? Do you want someone to come to you in the night if you feel fear or loneliness and offer you comfort? Why do we think babies want anything any different?

United we stand??????

The past two years have been a whirlwind for me. As I complete my paperwork for NARM I am filled with excitement, anticipation and bone chilling fear! Ok, maybe I exaggerate. But the thoughts of failing a national exam that I'm not even sure how I'm going to pay for on the first round, coupled with the possibility of working in a state where the rules for CPM's are oppressive and antequated is no small burden. However, I know my Lord has never called me to a task that He has not equipped me to complete and that any work HE has begun in me, HE has always seen through to the end. Still, I am human, and I fear and fail and fumble.

I began this journey in the birth world after my own harried birth experiences, as many birth professionals do. In the beginning I really felt like the birth community as a whole was one big happy family and I pictured lots of midwives and doulas in long skirts holding hands and swaying in song all for the cause of women and birthing. I quickly found out that birth professionals were people too. Birthy women can be catty and mean just like anyone else. Our opinions differ.....she shouldn't do this, she should have done that, I would NEVER do that and the list goes on. I realized a dream of beginning an organization for birth professionals, only to watch it crumble before me at the hands of disagreement and misunderstanding. I must admit to feeling a bit disillusioned. Through that whole process, I found myself caught up in judging a sister, being rejected by friends, and having to make difficult choices. Thankfully, that person that I judged forgave me and we are now great friends and she is one of my mentors. The others, well, it's a long story that has become mundane. But........I grew and found myself respected for my principles.

At the MANA conference recently, I was surrounded by birthy women, midwives...doulas....lactation consultants....apprentices........all of different inclinations and philosophies about birth. Lisa Goldstein will just tell you....I mean just tell.............. you all about it. Some of us fall in the floor laughing at her, and some have to go and detox after listening to her use the work d**k so many times in one sentence. LOL Anne Frye is a calm, cool and collected feminist who I struggle to ever see in a long crinkly skirt, regardless of how many times I had pictured her that way as I read her books. My team, Bethlehem Birthing Services, has our own sense of diversity. We have a criminal(LOL)......no, really, we have a rally for the causer, a co-conspirator/lifter upper, a petite, passionate fireball, a punk rock photgrapher, a type A planner/ponderer, a just love, laugh and move forwarder, and a up and coming speller/service shiner. Then there is me, the alpha female go getter who can turn it off when I need to but God help us all if it gets turned on full blast..............er. I admit that I struggle sometimes to find my way amidst women who can be so varied and different than myself. It challenges me in sometimes painful ways. It also brings me a joy that is unspeakable. It teaches me......I learn.

And I learned that birth people are just like anyone else. That we have our own opinions and issues and sometimes we disagree. But earlier this year, I learned something more. ......something that made my weekend at MANA a little more blessed.

This past February, after watching a baby struggle and my midwife taken away in handcuffs, I learned that when the chips are down.....none of that matters. I learned that the real and genuine women in this midwifery/birth community will surround you, comfort you and fight with you. I will never forget coming to my facebook wall and seeing a little heart with a word beside it, "sister", from a midwife who I knew but had never even met in person. I wept. And it strengthened me. I have never even met some of my facebook friends, but they came to my page with words of support and encouragement. "Keep fighting" "I'm praying for you!" "You are stronger than you know" ....and I wasn't even the one in shackles.

Of course, there were still some on the fringe who wanted to discourage and stir up dissent even in the midst of an opportunity to educate and encourage. . But they were all identified and dismissed as those of us with bigger hearts and hands got on with the business of fighting for a woman's right to choose her birth attendant, her birth place and her birth story. I believe those women will grieve those actions one day, but I can be thankful that they only caused us to come together and fight harder. We marched strong, we made our voices heard, and we awoke to find ourselves surrounded by the women we had helped in pregnancy and birth marching and voicing with us. When it really matters, and when a cause is close to the hearts of people, the voices of the negative can always be pushed into the background.

At the MANA conference, my team was in charge of closing ceremonies. In our skit, I got to "rebirth"(thanks so much, Karen Strange!) and have a baby in the middle of the room. On that very day, 4 years earlier, I had given birth to the baby that God used to solidify the calling on my life. It only took minutes(unlike the 24 hours it took me to birth the REAL baby Jude) to birth this baby, and I thankfully avoided the back labor, but I quickly heard the applause of everyone as my friends handed me my dollbaby after a mere 5 seconds of pushing. LOL Then we all stood, held hands, and sang............just like I had envisioned years ago when I began this journey. In that moment, we were one.

Sure, we all still have our individual beliefs and opinions. We will inevitably still look at each other from time to time and say, "I would never have done that!", but this only means that we remain human and imperfect. However, I know that as we move forward in NC for the rights of women, those things will fade into the background and we will shine through as a united voice.

Just a couple of days after I returned, I helped to welcome a baby girl into the world whose mom had been through a painful loss just acouple of years earlier. I had walked with her through that loss and it was a first for me in my career as a birth professional and it marked my heart in ways I will never forget. But as this baby entered the world, I was reminded that though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning. There is truly a rainbow after the storm. And that women who let their hands follow their heart will be there when another sister needs them. You see, they know they are CALLED to a purpose. And that is all that matters.

So I gather my paperwork, knowing so many sister midwives have walked this road and are cheering me on. I pray that I will make them all proud....even the ones who don't know me. Because we are our sister's keeper in the world of birth. When one is attacked, everyone feels it. When one is victorious, everyone rejoices. It's just how we roll.



Matt Maher, Hold Us Together

It don't have a job, don't pay your bills

Won't buy you a home in Beverly Hills

Won't fix your life in five easy steps

Ain't the law of the land or the government?

But it's all you need



And love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll be my brother's keeper

So the whole world would know that we're not alone



It's waiting for you knocking at your door

In the moment of truth when your heart hits the floor

And you're on your knees



And love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll be my brother's keeper

So the whole world would know that we're not alone



This is the first day of the rest of your life

This is the first day of the rest of your life

'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright



This is the first day of the rest of your life

This is the first day of the rest of your life

'Cause even in the dark you can still see the light

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright



Love will hold us together

Make us a shelter to weather the storm

And I'll be my brother's keeper

So the whole world would know that we're not alone

What a "NO" vote means to you, North Carolina women.......

This coming week, the legislative committee in Raleigh will vote on whether or not the state should develop a licensing process for Certified Professional Midwives. This process will cost the state nothing....yes, you read correctly, FREE! The cost will be absorbed by the midwives applying for the license. Not only does it not cost the state, but the normalization of home birth will in all probability save our state money. In this time of tragic economics, why would our representatives vote against something that is win-win for NC? I think you should ask them.

I know what some who are unfamiliar with home birth and the skill level of Certified Professional Midwives are thinking. Have babies at home? What? Isn't that dangerous? What if there is an emergency? I don't blame you for asking these questions. If the only thing you know about home birth is from reading the paper, then you are probably horrified. Articles devoid of fact and chock full of ignorant opinion are rampant. Haywood Brown is one of those writers and he demonstrates his editorial ability in this article: http://heraldsun.com/view/full_story/13326332/article-N-C--should-not-li

The fact is that the safety of home birth has been proven. This makes some people fuming mad. Many obstetricians are offended at the thought that anyone besides one of their own could deliver a healthy baby to a healthy mother. They choose to believe the untruths that suit their purposes and ramble on about unskilled attendants and the "what ifs" as if a home birth midwife walks into a birth with some boiled water and a prayer. The truth is that most obstetricians have no idea what the education of a Certified Professional Midwife entails. They haven't the first clue at the professionalism and precision with which a home birth with a CPM is handled. I have heard comments from physicians and other hospital staff such as, "Oh, so they(CPM's) are certified in neonatal resuscitation?" or "Oh, so they do carry instruments." This is an insult to birthing women...that their physicians would offer such opinions on something they know so little about.



But understand that not all physicians feel that way. Here locally, Dr. Henry Dorn of High Point, NC, believes in the skill of midwives and the right of the woman to choose her place of birth. Read about his views here: http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2010/12/10/an-alternative-obgyn-birth-plan.html
Of course, doctors like him don't support these choices without paying a price. As a doula, I watch other physicians blackball and bully these doctors...refusing to support them if they are ever sued and causing attitudes of tension and indignation between the nurses in the hospitals where they practice.

A vote of "no" in the legislative committee will support this behavior. It will support the notion that women are a species to be controlled and managed. It will support the ideology that pregnant women are too ignorant to educate themselves about pregnancy and birth and need to be led rather than have an active voice in their care. It will say that the practice of liability based medical decisions and interventions should continue whether or not it is best for the patient. It doesn't matter that it costs our state money and lives(check out NC's maternal and infant mortality). It doesn't matter that our cesarean rate is more than double the the World Health Organization's recommended 15%.

Many of my clients....and I do mean MANY....are currently driving over 45 miles to seek out the care that they want for their pregnancy and birth. Many are willing to take their dollars into our bordering states that have realized their value and they are birthing there.

Yet doctors still claim that mothers and babies will start dying all around us if CPM's are legalized. Yet, none of them can explain why this is not happening in Virginia, South Carolina and Tennessee where CPM's practice legally. None of them can explain why North Carolina's maternal and infant mortality are not improving. None of them can explain why babies and mothers still die in the hospital where all of the life saving equipment that they claim is absolutely necessary is available and at an arms reach. A vote of "no" will say to NC women that your only choice is the hospital where they are not achieving the same standard that they are setting for midwives, but that is ok because they have "MD" behind their name.

Yes, mothers and babies die or are injured during birth. It doesn't happen often, but it does happen. Many times, it is beyond the control of any person, machine or intervention. Life happens....death happens. This will always be. A vote of "yes" or "no" will never change that.

But a vote of "no" will say that our system doesn't need to change or improve. It will say that what we have now is satisfactory even though statistics show that NC is not anywhere near the safest place in the US to give birth. It will say to all women, whether they birth at home or the hospital, that it is just not worth raising the standard for you. Because you see, the availability of a more appealing form of care will force doctors to change their ways if they want to keep their business. They may actually have to admit that pregnancy is not a disease and that women are valuable and smart enough in our society to be informed and have a say in their pregnancy and birth. What a radical concept.

I have attended over 100 births as a doula. No matter what anyone says, I see first hand how all of this plays out in both hospital and home. Women who want normal birth have few options that are stress free and don't involve arguing and being scolded by your physician. And little by little, women are beginning to question.....to study.....to empower themselves and realize that they are capable of normal birth. They see through the lies of people like out of work physician, Dr. Amy Tuteur who not only decries natural birth, but taunts and insults the women who want it. Mothers are realizing that this is contributing to the devaluing of women in our society and they refuse that for themselves and for their own daughters. On a local level, we listen to the angry rants of people like Tara Servatius, formerly of WBT talk radio, who are beyond accepting fact and seem to enjoy spewing fiction to the public just to make this group of women who would choose empowered birth look selfish and reckless. Women read Haywood Brown's opinion and realize that he and others like him have no desire to see them be treated better or to be kept safer. Their desires are rooted in their own egos and agendas. A vote of "no" supports those egos and agendas and says that the value of women is expendable.

Lastly, a vote of "no" says to North Carolina women that your voice is small and unimportant. North Carolina women have driven hours with children in tow to stand on the lawn en masse in Raleigh. They write, they call, they carry signs. They have rallied. They are not asking for the right to birth at home. This IS their right. They are simply asking for the access to an accountable, licensed professional to be there to help facilitate a safe birth.

Will NC say no to safety? Will NC say that it does not value its women? Will NC say that the rich physicians of the medical society and ACOG are the only people qualified to facilitate birth in NC? Will NC FORCE all women into the hospitals where they are not making the grade?

Next week, when the committee votes....these questions will be answered with a very simple "yes" or "no." So pay attention, NC women. Your worth is about to be determined.

Why did I do it?????

This week on my Facebook page I posted about an experience I had with a client who wanted to have a vaginal birth after two previous cesareans(VBA2C). My client was bullied by a doctor who was on staff, but not her personal physician. She was lectured like a child and told that because of her refusal to submit to a third cesarean, all women who desired a VBAC at Lake Norman Regional Hospital were now in danger of losing that opportunity. It was an ugly scene that shocked and saddened me. It haunted me. Throughout the day I kept hearing the tone of Dr. Grant Miller's voice. I kept seeing the expression on his face along with his defensive body language. The words he had spoken caused a painful ringing in my ears.

He is not the first to have this attitude and he certainly won't be the last. But it was such an extreme experience for me as a doula having attended almost 100 births in my career, that I could not help but write about it and make others aware. Believe me, I knew what I was in for. While some would be fully supportive, I knew there would be some who would oppose what I had done.

So why did I do it? Simple. Because I need to be able to sleep at night. To sweep that situation under the rug and move on was not an option for me. I believe in the women I support. I believe in birth. That is why I work in this field.

I was that woman not too long ago. My second child was born by cesarean after a failed induction for a big baby(who ended up being 7lbs 7oz). My body simply wasn't ready to have a baby. I lamented this for years. Now, I know what many would say. I should just have been happy to have a healthy baby. I should have focused less on how the baby got here and focused more on the fact that he was here. Yes, I heard all those things. I still hear those things said to my clients at times. Do people have any idea how much it hurts to hear that your deepest desires and feelings are selfish and invalid? Do you think that all those years I didn't LONG to be at peace with my birth? Let me tell you that I DID. I wanted more than anything to be able to just move past it and let it go. But I couldn't. It isn't natural for a woman not to care about such things. The pain of being separated from my baby in those first few hours because of side effects from my anesthesia was devastating. Those moments were critical. I can never get them back! How dare anyone suggest that I am selfish for wishing I had made different decisions or that things had happened differently. My VBAC 10 years later was one of the most healing experiences in my life. I felt redeemed and renewed. Many doctors and even some nurses think that is ridiculous.......that it shouldn't matter that much. That such emotions should not be tied to the birth process. I am here to tell you that they are and that it is completely normal and natural. To feel differently would require me to turn off a part of myself that is crucial to birthing and mothering....my instincts.

As a doula, I never really know what to expect. Some doctors and nurses welcome my presence and see me as an asset to the patient experience. Some roll their eyes at me and see me as some kind of natural birth nazi who tortures women for the sake of unmedicated birth. Some are in the middle and wait to decide whether they like me or not by how compliant my client is to their wishes. I only have so much control over their perceptions of me.

However, it was ingrained in my being the moment I accepted the calling to go into the birth field that I would advocate for these women.

I realize the risks. I knew when I wrote the note that I could receive some backlash. I knew it would cost me. If approached by anyone for doula services who lists Lake Norman Ob/Gyn as their provider, I will have to refer them on to another doula for their own sake. I will have to let them know that my presence amongst their doctors could actually hurt them more than help them. If money were my concern, I certainly would have remained quietly oppositional.

I also realize that there is a time and a place for medical intervention. I do not believe that every single woman should have a baby at home with a midwife. I do not believe that every woman should have an unmedicated birth. I do not believe that every cesarean is unecessary. Medical intervention can be very necessary and lifesaving and is needed when complications arise. I am thankful that hospitals and obstetrician/surgeons are available when these needs arise. I am also unopposed to women who want medical interventions. If they have made an informed decision to have an epidural for pain or to have a medically unecessary induction, then I support that.

And let me be clear - I am not saying that Dr. Miller is a bad doctor. I saw comments defending what he did.....testimonies from women he has helped. They adore him enough to excuse his bad behavior and that is most certainly their perogative to do so. But in my world, being good to a million women doesn't excuse violating one.

I am not calling for a crucifixion of Dr. Miller, or a lynching at Lake Norman. I am simply wanting them to be aware of their consumers opinions. Yes, the patients are the consumers. They pay for the services they receive. Their voices deserve to be heard. We cannot allow birthing women to be violated. There are respectful ways to approach someone when hospital policy does not support what they want. Interpersonal skills can be learned by anyone and are very useful in professional dealings and should be used when dealing with sensitive situations. But above all, when a patient has been informed of risks, benefits and rules and they still don't want to be cut open, there needs to be a place of respect for that. No one expected Dr. Miller's blessing in that moment, but we did expect the situation to be handled respectfully and in a way that upholds the dignity of the patient. This is a MINIMAL standard to uphold.

Women who desire an intervention free birth are not just crunchy granolas who want to light incense and drum the baby out. It isn't about having a candlelit experience with Gregorian Chanting in the background. Our desires are for our lives and the health of our babies. Our desires go deep to our core and are rooted in intelligence and research. We have not dismissed the value of medicine, but we have not deified it either. We are well aware that more women die in childbirth right now than should and that the reason for this is the amount of cesareans that happen every day in this country. We want obstetrical care to be women centered instead of liabilty centered or physician centered. For those who want the epidural and a martini when they walk in the door, we say let them. But for those who do not, we say, RESPECT THEM!

The plea of the woman desiring natural birth in the hospital.....

Dear Doctor, L&D nurse and other hospital personel.....

Thank you for taking care of me during my labor and delivery. I wanted to communicate this information to you before I enter your establishment so that you may better serve me while I am there. All the signs on the walls say that this hospital's top concern is patient safety AND satisfaction. I am trusting that you as an individual are concerned about that also.

I have been pregnant for 9 long months. I am excited, scared and overwhelmed all at the same time. When I come in the door, please take that into consideration. I realize that I may be the fourth person you've taken care of today, but I really want a good relationship with you from the start.

This may be my first baby. I may have had a traumatic birth experience in the past. I could be a high need personality or extremely laid back. Either way, I will want your help and your support. I realize that when I come in, it is your job to get me through the admissions process which involves multiple questions. Please don't be upset if I wave at you to give me a moment or if my answers are short and curt. I am trying to work with my body and focus on my labor. I cannot possibly remember when I had my last tetanus shot, but I realize you have to ask and I will do my best to answer you when I can breathe. I will try to sign the forms, but I may have questions and they may just have to wait.

I want an natural birth. You may read my birth plan and chalk me up to one of the many women who come in saying this and end up getting the epidural anyway. I may be that woman, but please give me the benefit of the doubt. My desires for birth are extremely important. I don't get to do this day over.

I realize that there are medications available for pain and they are given to women all the time. I know that you see women use them frequently without issue, but I have researched the risks and the benefits and have determined that I will not use them unless the benefit outweighs the risk at that particular time. Do not assume I am trying to be a hero or trying to prove something to myself or others. I have deep convictions about why feeling the pain is worth it for myself and for my baby. If this is not a decision you made for yourself at your own birth, don't assume that you understand my mindset. I don't expect you to. I only ask that you respect what I am doing and be supportive.

I realize that every decision that is made affects my memory of this experience forever. I also realize that each intervention I agree to could and probably will lead to another. I will not take any decision lightly so please don't be offended when I ask for time to talk to my birth team or to just take in the information that I have been given. I am very aware that birth is unpredictable and that unexpected things can and do happen. I am open to changes in my birth plan. All I ask is that you present my options to me as the consumer and decision-maker. I do not want to be told what I am allowed to do and not allowed to do. At the end of the day, I will be paying the bill for this experience so just as you would not walk into a room full of your superiors and present them with your plan for their day, please don't do that to me. If you present my options to me in the spirit of informed consent, there should be no communication issues, and I am more likely to trust your judgement.

I do care about the health of myself and my baby. I would never want to jeopardize either. So when you come in to tell me that one or the other looks to be compromised, please be ready to present me with some data. Don't assume that I am being non-compliant when I question your recommendations. Simply explain to me clearly what the risks of the situation are and give me evidence based facts.

Speaking of evidence based, please don't act like I am a hippy earth mother just because I want to do things that ARE evidence based such as delayed cord clamping, eating and drinking freely while in labor, pushing in a position other than on my back, intermittent(not constant) fetal monitoring, no separation of mother and baby and skin to skin contact immediately. I realize you see a lot of tragic things, but unless there is a reason to assume my pregnancy and labor is not normal, I am assuming it is. Please support me in that. If you don't believe in evidence based practices, be ready to explain to me why that is. I have a right to know.

I may have some other members of my birth team besides my husband/partner. I may have a doula. I realize all doulas are different. You may have had a negative experience with one. But this is my birth and it is my right to have her there. I ask that you treat her with respect and if there is any issue with her behavior, please discuss that with me as I am paying for her services the same as I am paying for yours. Don't assume that my decisions have been influenced by her. The mere fact that I hired her should be a clue that I am a person who has done more than the average amount of research about birth. Since births where doulas are present have been shown to have better outcomes for mothers, I would think you would be completely on board. To my nurse, I have asked her to talk me out of pain medication. She has seen multiple women labor and knows that at some point I will probably ask for it. Do not assume she is torturing me. She and I have formed a relationship over the course of my pregnancy and I trust her. I have just met you and you do not know my deepest desires for this day. But she does. Please work together with her as part of MY team.

Lastly, if my birth plan changes and I end up with an intervention or a situation that I clearly did not want, acknowledge my disappointment. Validate my grief. Do not try to make me feel better by pointing out that I am safe and healthy and so is my baby. Of course, I am thankful for that. But my experience was important too, and it is normal to feel some grief over the loss of the birth I had hoped for. If you would just be sensitive to my feelings and support my process, then I will work through it much easier. Your acknowledgement of my disappointment will help me feel like I did all the right things and that you truly cared about my desires. I will be less likely to question myself and question my care providers if they do not dismiss my concerns. I may need to talk about the moments that my plan took a turn. I may need more details after the fact. Please give me that information. It is helpful to me as I move forward into motherhood. It helps me transition and adjust to the unpredictable role of "mom". I will feel more confident when you treat me with the utmost respect.

Thank you for hearing me. I hope that my birth will be everything I want it to be. I hope that you want that for me. I am on a journey, and you have been asked to come alongside me. Wherever that journey leads, I hope that we all walk away with a sense of satisfaction and of course, a healthy mom and baby.