This week on my Facebook page I posted about an experience I had with a client who wanted to have a vaginal birth after two previous cesareans(VBA2C). My client was bullied by a doctor who was on staff, but not her personal physician. She was lectured like a child and told that because of her refusal to submit to a third cesarean, all women who desired a VBAC at Lake Norman Regional Hospital were now in danger of losing that opportunity. It was an ugly scene that shocked and saddened me. It haunted me. Throughout the day I kept hearing the tone of Dr. Grant Miller's voice. I kept seeing the expression on his face along with his defensive body language. The words he had spoken caused a painful ringing in my ears.
He is not the first to have this attitude and he certainly won't be the last. But it was such an extreme experience for me as a doula having attended almost 100 births in my career, that I could not help but write about it and make others aware. Believe me, I knew what I was in for. While some would be fully supportive, I knew there would be some who would oppose what I had done.
So why did I do it? Simple. Because I need to be able to sleep at night. To sweep that situation under the rug and move on was not an option for me. I believe in the women I support. I believe in birth. That is why I work in this field.
I was that woman not too long ago. My second child was born by cesarean after a failed induction for a big baby(who ended up being 7lbs 7oz). My body simply wasn't ready to have a baby. I lamented this for years. Now, I know what many would say. I should just have been happy to have a healthy baby. I should have focused less on how the baby got here and focused more on the fact that he was here. Yes, I heard all those things. I still hear those things said to my clients at times. Do people have any idea how much it hurts to hear that your deepest desires and feelings are selfish and invalid? Do you think that all those years I didn't LONG to be at peace with my birth? Let me tell you that I DID. I wanted more than anything to be able to just move past it and let it go. But I couldn't. It isn't natural for a woman not to care about such things. The pain of being separated from my baby in those first few hours because of side effects from my anesthesia was devastating. Those moments were critical. I can never get them back! How dare anyone suggest that I am selfish for wishing I had made different decisions or that things had happened differently. My VBAC 10 years later was one of the most healing experiences in my life. I felt redeemed and renewed. Many doctors and even some nurses think that is ridiculous.......that it shouldn't matter that much. That such emotions should not be tied to the birth process. I am here to tell you that they are and that it is completely normal and natural. To feel differently would require me to turn off a part of myself that is crucial to birthing and mothering....my instincts.
As a doula, I never really know what to expect. Some doctors and nurses welcome my presence and see me as an asset to the patient experience. Some roll their eyes at me and see me as some kind of natural birth nazi who tortures women for the sake of unmedicated birth. Some are in the middle and wait to decide whether they like me or not by how compliant my client is to their wishes. I only have so much control over their perceptions of me.
However, it was ingrained in my being the moment I accepted the calling to go into the birth field that I would advocate for these women.
I realize the risks. I knew when I wrote the note that I could receive some backlash. I knew it would cost me. If approached by anyone for doula services who lists Lake Norman Ob/Gyn as their provider, I will have to refer them on to another doula for their own sake. I will have to let them know that my presence amongst their doctors could actually hurt them more than help them. If money were my concern, I certainly would have remained quietly oppositional.
I also realize that there is a time and a place for medical intervention. I do not believe that every single woman should have a baby at home with a midwife. I do not believe that every woman should have an unmedicated birth. I do not believe that every cesarean is unecessary. Medical intervention can be very necessary and lifesaving and is needed when complications arise. I am thankful that hospitals and obstetrician/surgeons are available when these needs arise. I am also unopposed to women who want medical interventions. If they have made an informed decision to have an epidural for pain or to have a medically unecessary induction, then I support that.
And let me be clear - I am not saying that Dr. Miller is a bad doctor. I saw comments defending what he did.....testimonies from women he has helped. They adore him enough to excuse his bad behavior and that is most certainly their perogative to do so. But in my world, being good to a million women doesn't excuse violating one.
I am not calling for a crucifixion of Dr. Miller, or a lynching at Lake Norman. I am simply wanting them to be aware of their consumers opinions. Yes, the patients are the consumers. They pay for the services they receive. Their voices deserve to be heard. We cannot allow birthing women to be violated. There are respectful ways to approach someone when hospital policy does not support what they want. Interpersonal skills can be learned by anyone and are very useful in professional dealings and should be used when dealing with sensitive situations. But above all, when a patient has been informed of risks, benefits and rules and they still don't want to be cut open, there needs to be a place of respect for that. No one expected Dr. Miller's blessing in that moment, but we did expect the situation to be handled respectfully and in a way that upholds the dignity of the patient. This is a MINIMAL standard to uphold.
Women who desire an intervention free birth are not just crunchy granolas who want to light incense and drum the baby out. It isn't about having a candlelit experience with Gregorian Chanting in the background. Our desires are for our lives and the health of our babies. Our desires go deep to our core and are rooted in intelligence and research. We have not dismissed the value of medicine, but we have not deified it either. We are well aware that more women die in childbirth right now than should and that the reason for this is the amount of cesareans that happen every day in this country. We want obstetrical care to be women centered instead of liabilty centered or physician centered. For those who want the epidural and a martini when they walk in the door, we say let them. But for those who do not, we say, RESPECT THEM!
