Feel the love, give the love....

February is love month. Many a October/November births will be made this month! :)

When I had my first 2 children in 1990 and in 1997, the process of caring for a newborn still included warnings about "spoiling" a baby. I have since done my research and realized that this is not possible. During the newborn phase, you are all that your baby knows. Transition to the world is not easy. If you've ever moved to a new city or state, or even a new neighborhood, remember how long it took to "get used" to your new environment. Your baby feels the same way.

Many a mom becomes overwhelmed when babies enter this transition phase. I hear many things like, "The baby will only sleep if he is being held." or "Unless I'm holding her or nursing her, she is crying." The babies on the commercials who sit in swings and bouncy seats cooing and watching their mom from afar are adopted alien babies! Your baby may do this when they are a little older, but not as a wee one.

Enter babywearing. Babywearing is strongly supported by the Attachment Parenting community. See a link from Dr. Sears: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/T130300.asp
Babywearing enables you to keep your baby close and secure while having 2 hands free! It produces a bond and a feeling of security for your baby. A more secure baby will usually equate to a less fussy baby. There are many different ways to wear your baby. Check out this site for an overview and parent reviews: http://www.thebabywearer.com/

My son is over a year old and I still wear him around the house. I don't know how I would get anything done if I didn't. I tell people my humorous story of having to take my older son to the doctor with baby in tow. I enjoyed tucking Jude into the sling(he was about 4 months old at the time) and keeping him unexposed to all the sick kids running around the waiting room. Upon leaving, I really needed to use the restroom. Thanks to my sling, I could use the restroom without having to worry about where to put the baby, or guiding a giant stroller into a small space. LOL It seems funny but at the moment, I couldn't have been more grateful for that sling!

For more information on babywearing and attachment parenting, see these websites:

http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sling.html

http://babywearinginternational.org/

http://www.babycenter.com/2_baby-wearing-how-carriers-help-you-and-your-baby_1486841.bc

Let your baby be your most beautiful accessory!

A doula looks forward to a new year........

Being a doula means being in a constant state of learning. Every birth is different. Every woman is different. Just when you think you know something, you realize that there is so much more to learn.

This year, I plan to begin attending births as an apprentice with my midwife, in addition to continuing my doula practice. I am excited about this new chapter in my life. I want to serve the women in my community. This will mean more reading and studying.....which also means prioritizing my life.

Some wonder why I would choose such a path when Certified Professional Midwives are not legally recognized in NC. The answer is simple - someone has to do it. Right now, in the Charlotte area, the options for homebirth are limited to a few midwives who shoulder the load of this homebirth community. As the homebirth movement grows, so does the demand for qualified, competent midwives. Women deserve options. Women need options. I have a passion to give those options to them.

What does this mean for my doula practice? I don't intend to practice any differently. I will still continue to support women in the hospital setting. Standing for choice means I believe that a woman should be able to give birth in the place of her choosing, with the practitioner of her choosing.

I hope that somehow, in 2009, I can inspire women to embrace all of their choices. The only way the birth climate will ever change is if women refuse to allow it to remain as it is.......practitioner oriented. Women must demand that their needs be of the utmost importance, rather than the needs of the insurance company or a malpractice policy. I believe that this day is coming. I hope it is soon.

Energy surrounds you....

There is something about the energy in a pregnant woman's body. Many people call it a "glow." It is an intense and incredible responsibility to provide shelter for another life and then to bring it into the world. Everywhere the laboring mother puts her feet becomes sacred ground, from the bathroom to the hallway.

It doesn't take much to disrupt this energy flow. You hear countless stories of women in active labor who get to the hospital and suddenly everything stops, or contractions slow down significantly. It's a powerful force and one that is best left to progress on it's own.

This is why it is so important to give great consideration to who is allowed to visit and attend you while you are in labor. Everyone who comes in contact with you needs to be on the same page as you are. If your desire is an unmedicated birth, a well meaning friend stopping by and saying, "I don't know why you are choosing to be miserable!" is not encouraging your process. The woman in labor is vulnerable and her words may very well ring in your brain later when you are facing your most difficult contractions. You may temporarily doubt your own choices.

In her book, Spiritual Midwifery, Ina May Gaskin has this to say about it: "The birthing energy flows smoothest when everyone present is part of the crew, helping the baby to its birth. If some of the other people present are spectators, or what we call "passengers," the birth can be slowed down by hours or can even be halted until some change takes place in the energy. This is because anyone whose presence is not an actual help is requiring the emotional support that should be going to the mother."

Talk to your labor attendant about how to handle keeping your birth space sacred in the home and in the hospital. Incorporate some boundaries into your birth plan. Talk to your care provider about laboring at home as long as possible to avoid unnecessary people coming in and out of your space while you labor. It may feel selfish to you to allow only your husband to be in the room. But remember that you are ultimately creating an environment for your baby's birth, not just for yourself.

I recommend reading Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth if you want to find out more about birth energy. It contains wonderful birth stories and great information for the empowered woman.

The truth is out there.......

I encourage everyone who is having a baby, thinking about having a baby, or knows someone who is having or thinking of having a baby(did I get everyone?) to watch The Business of Being Born. This is a very provocative documentary that has caused quite a stir in the medical and natural birth community. It is factual, moving and inspiring. As a woman, if you ever doubted your ability to birth, this movie will revive your confidence.

http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

You can also take this great quiz to see how many of these "facts" that have probably been shared with you by someone are true or false.....

http://www.consumerreports.org/health/medical-conditions-treatments/pregnancy-childbirth/maternity-care/maternity-care-quiz/maternity-care-quiz.htm

On being BOLD....

I saw the BOLD play TWICE this weekend....and loved it both times. I laughed and cried. I don't think there was a woman in the theatre that couldn't identify in some way with one or more of the characters. The message of the play was this: Women deserve birth on their terms.

The play was about women....real women's stories of birth. Some of the stories were joyous and some were filled with regret. Some were hilarious and some were deeply moving. I have heard those stories represented among my friends. So many, including myself in my second birth, went in with an expectation and came home wondering, "what happened?" Somewhere along the way, we felt that we lost control of our birth and we agreed to interventions or procedures that we weren't sure of. Labor is such a vulnerable place. For a woman to try to make an informed decision between 75 second contractions is nearly impossible. Aren't we taught to never make major decisions under stress?

I hope as a doula to be there during these moments to help mom and partner feel less pressured and more informed. I want to be sure that a mom in my care can walk away knowing that every decision she made was the right decision for her.

Birth is normal and natural. Most moms know instinctually what to do and a good birth attendant will encourage those instincts. Labor doesn't have a time limit and babies don't follow schedules. Not every labor will follow the "roadmap" that the books talk about. It's ok.

Women deserve to be heard. Women deserve good support. And yes, women deserve birth on their terms.

The importance of self care.....

Becoming a doula means changing some things within yourself, if needed. As a doula, you take on the role of caring for others. But in that role, you realize that caring for yourself is necessary.

I have found lately that I honor my body with naps when it is possible and I feel that I need them. I found this to be of great benefit when I attended a very long labor last week(congrats Mike and Paula!) There will inevitably be nights when I miss an entire nights sleep, so it is important to take care of myself physically through nutrition, exercise and rest.

In other words, in becoming a doula, I realize more than ever that I must practice what I preach. When I tell expecting and new moms to take care of themselves, I remember that I must set the example. Because truly, if I do not give myself the benefit of self-care, then it is impossible to give energy and help to another without becoming depleted.

Expecting moms who have other children must be especially mindful of this. Even if it means napping WITH your younger ones, take that time for yourself. The housework will wait. And especially right after having a baby, you must resist that urge to "be productive" while the baby is sleeping and get some rest yourself. It is vital to your physical and emotional health. Many moms have fallen unexpectedly into post partum blues because of overdoing. During pregnancy is the time to begin the habit of self care....warm bubble baths, naps, sitting down with a good book, taking a prenatal yoga class.

Mothers are givers, but no one can give from a place that is empty. Fill your bank with some self pampering, healthy eating, adequate rest and moderate exercise and you'll have some extra energy to make it through those sleep-deprived nights.

Birth Withdrawl

So after a couple of births, I feel like I'm in withdrawl. It's been a couple of weeks and someone needs to have a baby in my presence! I just love the birth process.

I have met a few of the Charlotte doulas(http://www.charlottedoulas.org/) and feel that our area is so blessed to have so many women comitted to the cause of journeying with women through their birth process. This area is highly technological and we score high in using lots of interventions in labor and birth. Hopefully, this little group of women can make a big difference in women's birth choices in Charlotte and surrounding.

Rock on doula friends.......