On being BOLD....

I saw the BOLD play TWICE this weekend....and loved it both times. I laughed and cried. I don't think there was a woman in the theatre that couldn't identify in some way with one or more of the characters. The message of the play was this: Women deserve birth on their terms.

The play was about women....real women's stories of birth. Some of the stories were joyous and some were filled with regret. Some were hilarious and some were deeply moving. I have heard those stories represented among my friends. So many, including myself in my second birth, went in with an expectation and came home wondering, "what happened?" Somewhere along the way, we felt that we lost control of our birth and we agreed to interventions or procedures that we weren't sure of. Labor is such a vulnerable place. For a woman to try to make an informed decision between 75 second contractions is nearly impossible. Aren't we taught to never make major decisions under stress?

I hope as a doula to be there during these moments to help mom and partner feel less pressured and more informed. I want to be sure that a mom in my care can walk away knowing that every decision she made was the right decision for her.

Birth is normal and natural. Most moms know instinctually what to do and a good birth attendant will encourage those instincts. Labor doesn't have a time limit and babies don't follow schedules. Not every labor will follow the "roadmap" that the books talk about. It's ok.

Women deserve to be heard. Women deserve good support. And yes, women deserve birth on their terms.

The importance of self care.....

Becoming a doula means changing some things within yourself, if needed. As a doula, you take on the role of caring for others. But in that role, you realize that caring for yourself is necessary.

I have found lately that I honor my body with naps when it is possible and I feel that I need them. I found this to be of great benefit when I attended a very long labor last week(congrats Mike and Paula!) There will inevitably be nights when I miss an entire nights sleep, so it is important to take care of myself physically through nutrition, exercise and rest.

In other words, in becoming a doula, I realize more than ever that I must practice what I preach. When I tell expecting and new moms to take care of themselves, I remember that I must set the example. Because truly, if I do not give myself the benefit of self-care, then it is impossible to give energy and help to another without becoming depleted.

Expecting moms who have other children must be especially mindful of this. Even if it means napping WITH your younger ones, take that time for yourself. The housework will wait. And especially right after having a baby, you must resist that urge to "be productive" while the baby is sleeping and get some rest yourself. It is vital to your physical and emotional health. Many moms have fallen unexpectedly into post partum blues because of overdoing. During pregnancy is the time to begin the habit of self care....warm bubble baths, naps, sitting down with a good book, taking a prenatal yoga class.

Mothers are givers, but no one can give from a place that is empty. Fill your bank with some self pampering, healthy eating, adequate rest and moderate exercise and you'll have some extra energy to make it through those sleep-deprived nights.

Birth Withdrawl

So after a couple of births, I feel like I'm in withdrawl. It's been a couple of weeks and someone needs to have a baby in my presence! I just love the birth process.

I have met a few of the Charlotte doulas(http://www.charlottedoulas.org/) and feel that our area is so blessed to have so many women comitted to the cause of journeying with women through their birth process. This area is highly technological and we score high in using lots of interventions in labor and birth. Hopefully, this little group of women can make a big difference in women's birth choices in Charlotte and surrounding.

Rock on doula friends.......

I attended the ICAN meeting today and am so excited about their presence here in Charlotte where it is so desperately needed. So many c-sections and so many women who aren't happy with their experiences. Women who feel traumatized by the surgical removal of their baby are not given permission to feel angry, cheated or even to grieve. Well meaning people say, "At least you have a healthy baby" and you feel even worse for being ungrateful on top of everything else.

Their(my) feelings are valid and important. I deserve to be heard and to be allowed to have whatever emotions spring up my from my experience. My failure to progress(common reason for c-section) made me feel like a failure as a mother. Not everyone can understand that. I am not crazy or oversensitive. I am not anti-doctor or anti-establishment. C-sections have saved the lives of mothers and babies and thank God for them. But lives are not always at stake.

I AM PRO WOMAN. Women have a right to accrurate information about C-sections and VBAC and yes, inductions. They have a right to make an informed choice. No one should look back and say, "I wish I would have known......" or "I didn't realize the statistics were in my favor"

VBAC in Charlotte is a challenge, but it shouldn't be. This needs to change.

I have a website

I have a website, I'm on myspace and I'm on facebook. I am now what I consider to be "up to speed." I have had two births. They were incredible. It's amazing what you learn about yourself during someone else's birth. You learn to be patient. You cannot rush nature, no matter how hard you try. Even Pitocin(the synthetic drug used to start labor) cannot always do what mother nature demands. But the beauty is waiting and watching a baby and a mother be born. And for me, a doula is being born.

Here I am at: http://www.artfullyborn.com/

But I'll still be here, chatting and rambling......

Introducing......ME!

Everyone needs a website, but it just isn't me! Well, maybe it will be someday. But for now, this is the way I LOVE to communicate and express myself to others. I admit, I don't know much about HTML codes and such, but I know how to introduce myself here! I am Meliea....some call me Mel when they get to know me....it's easier to pronounce. I consider myself an artist, enjoying all things writing. This blog is about my becoming a birth doula. A birth doula is somewhat an artist also. Dictionary.com defines art as: the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance. What a perfect description of what I wanted my births to be! A birth doula simply helps mom and dad/partner(or in the case of the single mom...just mom) paint that picture.

After the birth of my last child, I realized....I MISS BIRTH! I loved the energy of birth and the women who helped me(my midwife and her assitant). I will tell that birth story soon!

So for now, I live in charlotte with my blended family: Hubby, J, as I call him. My 17yo daughter graduates from high school in 2 weeks. I have a 10yo son who I call my "artistic autistic" as he navigates his way through Asperger's syndrome. Stuck in the middle is my 8yo stepson , who is still getting to know me and I'm confident will decide that he likes me....someday....LOL. And then, there is the baby...my 10month old, mine and J's masterpiece together.

Birth has changed through the years. There have been some great medical advances! An internet friend of mine gave birth at 24 weeks and that baby just turned 1!! Amazing. However, some of those advances have created great fear and more of a sense of "what can go wrong" instead of creating a positive view of birth. A normal, healthy pregnancy will result in the wondrous and natural process of birth without much intervention. However, we bring into the process all of our fears, perceived inadequacies, trust issues and of course, the memory of all the horror stories our friends have told us during our pregnancy.

I see my role as a doula to be whatever YOU need it to be. All things from encouraging you that you can do this, to just rubbing your back so that your husband/partner can look into your eyes and give you reassurance. Of course, along the way, I will help you find positions for labor to ease your discomfort as much as possible. I will make sure that you fully understand everything the medical staff is telling you. I will offer emotional support and positive energy for you to fall on when the going gets tough.

So that's me! Check out my links and see if having a doula at your birth is right for you.

My contact information appears(or should shortly) on Charlottedoulas.org