A VERY DOULA CHRISTMAS.........

It is truly a privilege to be invited into something as sacred as birth.  Since I began my work as a birth attendant in 2008, I have been invited into that sacred space many times and it is just as amazing today as it was then.  But I do have a lament about my job........the follow up.

I do not take lightly my relationship with couples I work with.  By the time the baby is ready to be born, we have spent time together and even more time on the phone.  We have exchanged emails, talked about deepest fears, made birth plans, discussed many private bodily parts and functions and so on.  Then labor happens and we spend hours together.....working, massaging, reassuring, comforting.....waiting for baby.  After that, we swoon over baby and talk about breasts and sore bottoms and sleepless nights.  We talk at 2pm as well as 2am.....whenever someone needs to be talked off the limb that is postpartum. To call it intimate is an understatement.

I am there when families are born.  I am there when a family grows.  In my short time in this profession, I have seen some people have 3 children and I cannot tell you what that feels like because there just are no words........................... to be invited in again and again. 

But it is a hectic profession.....one that I am continuously working within to find the balance between who I am (child of God,wife, mother, daughter,sister,friend) as well as what I am(birth professional, lactation educator, yoga instructor, perimenopausal female, etc). 

So this Christmas season, I want you all to know that even if I don't call you, email you, Facebook you or see you as much as I would like, you are in my heart.  Because I remember.........

I remember your loss....the miscarriage..........that moment when the journey was ended before it had a chance to begin. I scrambled to be what you needed knowing there was no way to ease your pain or make it better.....praying I don't say anything stupid and trying hard not to say anything that isn't necessary. Mapping out the space with you to heal and move forward in your own time........but always thinking of you at random times and praying for your wounded heart that I know is forever changed.

I remember very clear details about each new beginning I have been a part of.

I remember when you thought you couldn't go on but you did.   I told you that you could.  You didn't believe me at the moment, but I kept saying it anyway.

 I remember when you reached out for my hand and squeezed it tight.  You apologized after the contraction.  I really didn't mind.....it only confirmed to me that you were so much stronger than even you knew. 

I remember your pain when your birth plan changed.  My heart broke for you inside, but I remained solid for you because I knew that is what you needed.  I cried in my car on the way home for the pain and confusion that I knew you would feel.  I vowed in my heart to help you navigate it as best as I could and hoped somehow it would be enough. 

I remember your long labor.......how exhausted you were. I remember wanting to take some of the work for you and wondering where in the world your strength came from.  I remember admiring you as I pulled your hair back and put a cold cloth on your neck.....trying to encourage you with my words but not give you shallow rhetoric or diminish how much your situation sucked in the moment. I remember affirming to you that it was ok to never have another baby again and telling you that I have no idea why women do this more than once.  I also remember my own joy when you forgot those words and got pregnant again.

I remember that moment when your eyes became big and you began to become very restless.......that unmistakable, beautiful look on a mama's face when her baby is in the birth canal emerging into the world.  I remember chasing you to the place you would give birth and knowing you would pick the smallest bathroom in the house.........the corner where no one could reach you........the position on the bed that seemed impossible until you went there.  In the hospital,I enjoyed watching the staff around you in awe of the natural process that they so seldom see.   

I remember when you were afraid......and overcame your fear.  I remember when you were in pain.....and reconnected to your focus and your breath.

I remember your birth music......some more than others.  Some of you really rock it out!  Best play list ever.....you still know who you are.  No one has beaten you yet. 

I remember your tears when you held your baby for the first time.  I remember your partners tears, laughter and uninhibited release of emotion.  I remember feeling like an intruder in that moment......who is worthy to be a part of such beauty? 

I remember the easy birth and the difficult birth and all of them in between.  I remember all the things I learned. I remember thinking I knew something when I didn't.  I remember when something that I knew came in very handy.  I remember the many humbling moments when I realized that no matter how much I had read and studied that I would never fully grasp the amazing and unique process that is birth because it is art and miracle and to fully "see" it must be reserved for deity.  We in our skin and bones cannot fathom such things as it would blow our minds.

I remember the less than perfect, the disappointments.......the waiting with bated breath to know that all was ok.  I wanted to do more.....be there every second.  Torn between two worlds.....praying to One. 

These are the things that float through my mind on the long car rides, the sleepless nights, the quiet moments,etc.  The baby comes, the baby grows and I must move on to new beginnings with others and I have yet to find a smooth transition for how you become so enmeshed with someone at such a pivotal moment in time, then drift apart because life is moving always.  Little things happen that flash me back to your birth and a funny, beautiful or momentous moment in time that is forever etched in my brain comes up on the HDTV that is my brain.  I think of you more often than you know and wish I had a million moments to spend with each and every individual that I have had the honor of sharing that sacred space with. 

Know that it is always sacred to me, no matter how many years it has been. 

This holiday season, know that I have thought of you......prayed for you......rejoiced with you.  Forgive my physical absence but know that I am not so busy that I do not remember with affection and joy the moment that your baby came into the world. 

I think of you and smile........then sleep in heavenly peace. 

From there to here......5 years of growth

It was the cesarean birth of my second child that led me to seek something different when I found my self pregnant with my third.  My husband and I had not planned on having children together.  We already had a mixture of his and hers that were not exactly blending in smoothie fashion.  I had a great job that involved travel.  My husband's job was beginning to become shaky as the economy was at the very beginning of its wavering.  But here we were.

It was the number of martinis that shall not be named that clued me in that I was expecting.  The "hangover" sickness lasted well into the evening, which I knew wasn't right.  I pondered this as well as the strange, vivid dreams I had been having that week and realized that something was different.  And as the word "pregnant" popped up in the window of the stick of destiny, my first thought was, "Oh God, please don't let me have to be cut open again."

My husband and I had not discussed birth.  My youngest was 9 and his youngest was 7.  We were well beyond that stage.  I threw the idea of home birth out to him immediately while simultaneously recounting for him the morning of my cesarean surgery that had forever traumatized me.  A failed induction for a baby that was too big(who weighed in at 7lbs7oz, smaller than my first).  I had met a friend at church shortly after that birth who had 5 children.....all born at home with a midwife.  I thought we might go that route, but I wanted to talk to my doctor first.

My doctor was very straightforward.  To her credit, she did say I was probably a perfectly good candidate for a home birth.  She explained to me the risk of uterine rupture, which was low but real and shared with me the story of the one that she had seen in her 13 or so years of practice.  I could tell it had burned a memory into her mind that was not easily forgotten.  The other doctors in the practice (because you have no idea who will be on call when you go into labor, you see a different one at each visit) were not as agreeable.  Of the 7 doctors in the office, only 3 seemed to be completely comfortable with a vaginal birth after cesarean(VBAC).  Finally, when it was explained to me that in order to have a VBAC, my local hospital required that I have an epidural during labor, I realized that their focus was not on me as an individual, but on their convenience and their reducing the likelihood of being sued.  It was time to look for a midwife.

It wasn't easy to find her.  Certified Professional Midwives (CPMs) who deliver babies at home are not legally recognized or licensed in NC.....and according to the law you must have a license to practice midwifery.  My friend's midwife was no longer practicing, but she did refer me to the woman who would ultimately be my midwife....and mentor. 

When we met her, I knew right away that she would attend me.  Her demeanor was light and energetic.  She knew the actual statistics about the safety of VBAC and directed me to some reading.  We talked about risk and benefits, what happens in a home birth when there is an emergency, what my prenatal care would look like, etc.  I would be driving an hour and fifteen minutes to see her for my prenatal care but it was worth it to me.  After that appointment, my  husband and I got into the care and said, "She's the one" and never looked back.  We knew the risks.  We believe in a God that is much bigger than most people allow Him to be.  We knew that ultimately, it is HE who holds our lives in HIS hands and were willing to trust HIM with the outcome. 

The pregnancy was not easy.  The nausea always catches me off guard and having to try to travel and work was difficult. Was I this fatigued with the other two? I was a fitness instructor so being knocked out like that was difficult.  But soon the second trimester came with the return of the energy and the farewell to nausea. 

This was an emotionally stressful pregnancy which I now truly believe contributed to my baby's fussiness and colic after birth.  Not everyone was happy about it. I felt a lot of judgement and it made me weary.  The assertive and independent woman that my husband had married only seven months earlier quickly crumpled into a heap of hormonal emotion......needy and anxious.  Two words that did not usually fit the description of ME.  Life continues to happen when you are pregnant, jobs are lost, children struggle, financial concerns mount and the list goes on.  We moved into our new home just after my husbands first lay off.  It would be the first of three with the struggling banking industry.  Our finances took a dive and suddenly we didn't know where the money for this birth to happen would come from.  We thankfully had a very understanding midwife who gave us extra time to pay.  It's only now, as a midwife myself, that I understand what a struggle that may have cause for her own family.  I am deeply grateful. But at the time, I felt a little like I was drowning.  What a horrible stress this must have been on my growing baby.  Guilt. 

As my due date approached I became increasingly physically uncomfortable.  It was hard to get around.  We had 30 consecutive days of 90 plus degree weather so I stayed confined to my house. 

On the night of August 6, my water broke around 7:45pm.  I was relieved and excited.  I called my midwife and she told me to let her know when contractions became regular.

I should have gone to bed.  I tell people now, "GO TO BED!!!!!!"  Instead, in my excitement, I wanted to get things going.  It was not a smart thing to be walking my neighborhood at 11pm.  By 3am, contractions were picking up and we called for our birth attendants.  They arrived around 4:30am and things appeared to be moving right along.  Contractions were coming every 3-4 minutes and becoming increasingly difficult.  I was in the water, breathing and coping.  Fatigue was setting in, but I felt like surely it wouldn't be much longer. 

By 6:30am I was feeling some pressure.  My midwife's face when she checked me said that we were nowhere near pushing.  She told me to go lay down and rest..... that we weren't ready for pushing.  WHAT????  After walking upstairs I stopped and said to my husband, "Go ask her how not ready we are!"  He came back with a report of 3cm.  I was devastated.

I had this really intense pressure that made me feel like I needed to bear down that would come and go.  I thought maybe I needed to go to the bathroom.  A blue cohosh enema was administered and this really kicked things into high gear.  The contractions picked up in fervor and I quickly dilated to 7cm after that. 

At 8cm, the urge to bear down came again.  By now it was 11am and I was exhausted.  Work through the contractions, but don't push.....oh God I am truly going to die.  I began to lose it.  The fatigue from my decision to stay awake instead of sleep when my early labor began was hitting me hard.  I was losing my grip on the pain. 

The back labor was brutal.  I have never felt anything like it.  Everyone was rubbing my back with every bit of arm strength they had.  When one would get tired I would yell for someone else to take over who could rub harder!  I now know that all those days spent reclining in bed and sitting at the computer greatly contributed to my baby's less than optimal position. 

Hours later, I was still 8.5 cm and still had the urge to push.  I could not "blow through" anymore.  I had tried different positions.  The pain was excruciating.  I had lost control of it at this point and was becoming hysterical with each contraction.  I began to think about transporting.  My midwives went out on the porch to let my husband and I discuss it. 

EPIC FAIL.  This was how I felt.  But in the forefront of my mind was the pain.  I could not relax.  I could not breathe through.  I feared that I would not be able to get past this point before the baby would begin to show signs of distress and then the surgery would be inevitable.  If we went in now, got the epidural and I could relax, maybe the last of my cervix would move out of the way.  We were going in.

I wasn't even dressed as we walked out the door.  Someone threw a gown on me.  I reminded my husband that he could NOT identify out birth team as midwives when we got there.  One of them rode with us while the other stayed to clean up a bit at the house.  The 11 minute drive seemed like hours.  I could not sit down so I made use of the handle above the door that I had always wondered about its purpose.  Now I know.

At the hospital, we looked like Ricky and Lucy Ricardo.  My poor husband after listening to me scream for the last hours ran in desperately seeking help.  I was met with a wheelchair which I could not fully sit down in.  Upon being wheeled up to labor and delivery, I announced that no one was cutting me open.  Everyone just looked at me. The nurse checked me and upon announcing that I was 8.5cm everyone began to scramble as if the baby would come any minute.  Through tears and frustration I said, "I have been 8.5cm for HOURS.  The baby is not coming PLEASE just get me an epidural."  I was told I got the fastest epidural ever.

 My doctor, one of the few who had been on board with my VBAC, looked me in the eye and said, "We don't operate on people who are 8.5cm" and I finally began to calm down as the pain subsided.  I always have hot spots with epidurals so there was still pain, but nothing like before.  Before I drifted off to sleep I looked over and saw my mother and my husband.  My husband was weeping.  I think he was just so relieved to see me relieved......and so relieved that he no longer had to help me work through the pain.  We forget, as women, how hard labor is on our husbands.  It is a helpless feeling for them.  They can't fix it.  They can't make it go away. 

Four hours later, I felt different.  The pressure had begun to build again.  The baby was coming down.  I began to bear down.  It was only a few pushes until HE was out.

We didn't know what we were having.  In the chaos, I forgot to ask that my husband announce the sex of the baby so I was informed my a throng of voices, "It's a boy!!!!"  This was a little sad for me.  I had hoped my husband would catch the baby and make the announcement.  Oh well.  My baby was here and came out of my vagina.  I was thrilled.

My little howler (see www.fussybabymama.blogspot.com for the source of this nickname) came into the world at 7:48pm........24 hours after my water broke.  He cried before even being fully delivered and came into the world hand first which explained a lot of the back labor and LONG hours stuck at 8.5cm.  He weighed 8lbs 14oz, over a pound bigger than my other two children at birth. 

That experience changed me.  I knew if it hadn't been for my midwives and my hours at home, I would have ended up with another cesarean.  The intricacies of that labor are not tolerated in the hospital.  I have seen this as a doula multiple times.  I was truly thankful.

Who knew at that time that my experience would lead me into the most amazing calling of my life......midwifery.  My children have all made such an impression on me and it is an honor to walk with women through their own journeys to motherhood. 

So Happy Birthday, my little howler.  And thank you for the part you played in making me what I am today.  I pray that I do the same for you in an equally powerful way. 

You want a what? Over my non-pregnant body........

For 15 more minutes it is my 6th wedding anniversary.  When the J-man and I got married, we had no intention of having children together.  We had a blended family that was not blending so smoothly and adding an "ours" to "mine" and "yours" just seemed overwhelming.  But sometimes God has other plans, and despite our efforts (aka the diaphragm), they come to fruition.  Thus, I became pregnant with the Howler (see www.fussybabymama.blogspot.com).  The first thing I said to my husband......having had a cesarean due to a failed induction with my second child.....was that I was not getting cut open again without good reason and that I would need him to be open to talking with a midwife about having this baby at home.  He looked at me with all the love in the world and said, "Of course.  I don't want you to do anything that you aren't comfortable with.  It's a little weird to me, but if you want to have this baby at home, then we will."  I think he was a little freaked out, but he agreed to talk to the midwife anyway.  After talking to her, you would have thought he was the one who came up with the idea. 

I get calls all the time from women seeking out doula services.  They will express their desire for an intervention, medication free birth and being the good doula, I inform them of their options and explain that the hospital may not be the best place for that to happen.  I ask them if they are aware of and have considered other options.  If I had a dollar for the number of times that I heard, "Well, I'd love to have a home/birth center birth but my husband says no way," then I would be rich.  I will ask, "Have you guys gone together and talked to a home birth or birth center midwife?" and 9 times out of 10 the answer is no, he won't go.

Now, I don't know if that is true, or if it is sometimes just a woman's way of saying, "I've thought about it but I'm not quite ready to go there and I just don't want to tell you that." There is nothing wrong with that.  But there is something wrong when a man will not even explore the options available.  Now, it may be that there are trust issues in the marriage, or that there have been past experiences that cause a man to fear being without the perceived security of a hospital.  But I must admit that I do not understand it when a dad just says "no way" to an out of hospital birth without being willing to do the research and explore what is best for their family as a whole. 

Let me be clear....no one should attend a homebirth who is not absolutely convinced that it is a good and safe choice for the mother.  It brings unwelcome negativity and could cause division in the relationship along with a host of other problems.  So if dad is not onboard, then the birth shouldn't happen at home.  However, the same is true for a woman who goes to the hospital when she really doesn't want to.  If she ends up getting pressured into things she doesn't want, or ends up with a traumatic birth, she may blame her partner for not considering her desires to avoid all of that in the first place.  It's tricky.

So since I seem to have the husband extraordinaire when it comes to birth, I thought I would ask for his input.   Here were his thoughts,

“Husbandhood”

As husbands I think we can all agree on feeling that part of our responsibility to our wives is as protector, defender, and supporter. This should involve wanting for them, at least as much out of life as we want for ourselves. And what is it that we want, really? Do we like having options?
Like anyone, as men we want the freedom to make choices for our lives that we feel will benefit us in any given situation. Sounds reasonable so far?

So, doesn’t it make sense that our wives might actually want the freedom to make choices that are most beneficial for them? This is where the “supporting” aspect of our responsibility as husbands comes into play. Few events will strike a chord in a woman’s heart and soul more stridently than the birth of a child. When it comes to the birth there are actually many different options as far as where and with whom to have the baby.

The key point I want to make here is how irresponsible it is to just assume that since we might have been born in a hospital that our children need to be born in hospitals. People were born on this planet without the benefit or detriment of hospitals for literally thousands of years. For thousands of years women experienced in assisting with the whole child birth experience have been helping other women have their babies.
To further clarify this point, we should shift gears a little bit here. What is the one of the first things we think of when we see someone in our office or work location coughing or sneezing? One, we assume they might be sick. And, what question comes next is key. Our vernacular is replete with aphorisms, not the least of which is the ubiquitous: “What’s wrong with you?”

This question is directed at whoever is doing the sneezing and/or coughing around us. Let’s think about that statement for a moment. If someone is sick, then we assume that something is “wrong”with them. And, if someone is sick to the point that we feel they need to be seen by a doctor, we would naturally refer them to a
hospital.

Now let’s parallel that with the notion that when a woman is pregnant, some people assume that she needs to be in a hospital. My questions is: Why?  Not only is a pregnant woman not sick…there is nothing “wrong” with her.

Don’t get me wrong, complications may arise with any pregnancy that may necessitate further care. However, there is nothing “wrong” with being pregnant.  We need to come away from the place in our culture where we are thinking these thoughts about our wives, pregnant or otherwise. Where women are concerned concepts of freedom and choice can take on religious or political overtones. As men, our jobs are simple. We don’t need to be even concerning ourselves with passing laws to give women rights and options and choices. We simply need to realize that it is not our place to be restricting women’s rights and options and choices. The thinking that we as men are somehow divinely appointed to legislate where, when, and how women are to give birth exemplifies an arrogance that borders on misogyny.

According to an article by Dr Miriam Stoppard,“In many European countries healthy women may choose to have their baby at home if their pregnancy has been straightforward. In the United Kingdom, some doctors encourage women to have a home birth, even with a first baby, but in the United States it's more difficult.”

We are definitely behind the times in this country, but things are changing. And, as men, we are in a unique position to be the encouragers and supporters of that change. We have an opportunity to be part of the solution, and it begins with being there for our wives during this exciting time.
I’ve been fortunate enough to assist at the births of two of my boys and while those were amazing experiences that I would not trade for anything, I do understand that it is not for everyone. To all the husbands out there who are embarking with their partner on this birth journey, all I would ask is two things. One, that you listen, truly listen to her. And, two, that you keep an open mind.

I love the man.  He stepped out of his comfort zone for me.  Honestly, after talking with the midwife if he had said he was just not ok with it all, I would have probably tried to find a compromise.   You see, I respect his wisdom and judgement.  If he had explored the options and been left with concerns, I would consider that something to pay attention to.  I believe that sometimes God imparts things to our spouse that we cannot see from our individual perspective for whatever reason.  But I still believe the loving thing to do is to at least watch a movie, talk to a midwife, read some studies and be educated.  This is true INFORMED choice. 

I am so proud that he was part of the process of gathering information and making decisions.  I had an incredible VBAC and though it wasn't line for line what I had planned, it was a beautiful experience that healed broken parts of me and made me the birth professional that I am today.  Where would I be now if he had just said "no" without listening to my heart? 

I know where HE is today.  He is the backbone of what I do.  He keeps our household running while I am gone for hours.....sometimes days....... at a time.  He and my mom play musical children between  her work, his work and babies whose schedules have no rhyme or reason.  He sometimes exists in the shadow of what I do.  It's not an easy place to be.  He has to give up some of me....some of his ego.....some of his needs so that I can walk out my calling to help others.  

You see, he believes that the way babies are born is significant.  He believes the way women are treated during birth is fundamental to gaining the confidence to walk into motherhood.  He believes birth is sacred and spiritual.  Most of all, he believes in God and in me.  And for that, on this 6 year anniversary, I am extremely grateful. 

Who's your Big Brother? The state of midwifery in NC..........

Seriously folks, I'm exhausted. This whole midwifery legislation thing has worn me out.

It started a couple of weeks ago with some frustration that consumers seemed too busy to get involved with passing legislation. A small handful of people were scrambling and juggling to put together a fund raiser and it was a little disheartening. But then it raised a great question, "Are the consumers onto something that I am missing?"

This caused me to go a little deeper in my thinking and really question whether legislation is what I really want. I mean, it's supposed to make homebirth better for the families as well as them midwives. If the consumers are ok with the state of things, should I be also? I still haven't come to a firm conclusion. But in the midst of my pondering I come across this article this morning:

http://www.foxcharlotte.com/news/top-stories/Charlotte-Moms-Ditching-Hospitals-For-Home-Births--148412775.html?m=y&smobile=y&clmob=y&c=n

And as is typical of FOX news to go out and find a qualified expert, they interview Dr. Amy. This is irritating, but predictable and something I don't really think will change. When we want the social scoop with flair, we turn to Us Weekly, Entertainment Tonight and Perez Hilton. In the world of birth, we have Dr. Amy. It's a few facts, mixed with some partial information then shaken and stirred to sound really intelligent for the fans and PRESTO! we have an expert. Funny how even physicians never call on her expertise when they talk about this issue though...just the media. Things that make you go hmmmmmm.......

But I digress.

My issue today is that slowly but surely, women stand by and allow their rights to be trampled on by the government whether it is state or federal. And I will be honest, I have waffled back and forth on my own feelings about that. Some days I'm all for regulation of midwives in NC and some days not so much. I see both sides. But my pre-conclusion(I may have possibly made up that word) is that this boils down to personal choice and responsibility.

You see, if I am 38 to 39 weeks pregnant and I don't want to endure the challenges of labor, then I can walk into my doctors office and request a cesarean. This will be granted to me. And if my insurance doesn't pay, then my doctor will be happy to do a few tests to find a marginal result that will change their minds and convince them that I not only need this surgery, but also that they need to cover it. Please don't write some cheesy comment that says, "That is not true! I tried to get my doctor to give me one and he/she wouldn't." Please.....you only need to google some mommy message boards to find overwhelmingly that what I am saying is true. It is YOUR RIGHT to have a cesarean if you want one in the eyes of medicine. Our state does not intrude upon that as it is considered to be your decision. And you know what, I support that. Even though we have statistics that show that surgical birth is more harmful to mother and baby unless there is a true medical condition that contraindicates vaginal birth, we trust the mother to make that decision for herself and for her baby.

In the case of VBAC, we allow women to have a repeat cesarean if that is what they want. Even though the medical evidence does not support that this is the better or safer option for most women, we trust the mother to make the decision for herself. The government is not concerned about this issue because it is considered a woman's given right to judge for herself whether she wants to try a vaginal birth the next time around, or choose another surgery.

At any point in a woman's pregnancy, she may choose to terminate it. Yes, she may have to do some legwork to find a place that will do it at different stages, but she can find a safe and secure place for abortion at any time. Our government says this is her right regardless of whether or not the baby could sustain life outside the womb. Again, though it will make me very unpopular with many of my friends(not the first time, won't be the last), I support the government staying out of it.

If I am pregnant, I can take any number of prescription medications that may or may not harm my baby. You see, we aren't sure because there aren't millions of pregnant women stepping up to be guinea pigs for the pharmaceutical companies, but most of the drugs we "assume" are OK. But regardless, we consider it a woman's right to make an intelligent decision and weigh out her need for a drug treatment and the risk to her unborn child.

Parent may choose to circumcise their boys. It doesn't matter that there is no significant proven benefit, that it is painful, or that there are small, but some risks associated with it. It doesn't matter that it inflicts pain on a child for what is not much more than cosmetic reasons. We honor that as a parent's right and choice to make that decision for their child.

So why do we consider having a baby at home with a Certified Professional Midwife any different than any of these other things that our government consider OUR RIGHT AND OUR CHOICE. "Well, they don't have enough education." many would say. "Well, homebirth is risky. What if......." And it's not just Dr. Amy saying these things. Sometimes it is local Certified Nurse Midwives who don't appreciate losing their cut of the homebirth population or other local birth professionals who have their own agendas and of course, some consumers whose only knowledge of homebirth is from the show "I Didn't Even Know I Was Pregnant". They believe because of whatever information they have taken the time to gather(which is usually limited as the data of on all of this is extensive and has been interpreted and re-interpreted more times than the Bible)and they protest and stand in the way of decriminalization for the supposed good of mother and baby. This is rubbish. The point is that as long as there is informed choice, meaning the parents know exactly what the risks and benefits are of their decision, it should be honored. "WHAT?" you say. "We should just allow moms to make a decision even if it is risky?" This we know......all birth is risky regardless of where it takes place. Our state maternal and infant mortality numbers reflect this. Most people DO give birth in the hospital with the good ole local MD, but that hasn't removed the problem. Understand this, MDs do risky things too. I have been in many hospital births where AROM was performed simply as a routine procedure. This is risky - the baby may not tolerate it, but it doesn't stop people from letting them do it. We know that an epidural carries a small amount of risk to mother and baby, but the epidural rates in most L&Ds here in Charlotte and surrounding are over 90% and physicians are happy to order them. Pitocin carries risks with it, but doctors don't hesitate to order it when things are taking longer than their time clock allows. I could go on. Birth in ALL environments is risky. Your biggest risk as a healthy, low risk mom going into the hospital......CESAREAN. In Charlotte, your risk is practically 1 in 3 depending on the hospital. Do physicians really expect us to believe that over 30% of these women actually needed a cesarean? Because if it's true that all of those were medically necessary, then something is happening in these hospitals that is a lot more concerning than babies born at home. Statistically, there shouldn't be that many risky situations.

So if you really want homebirth with a Certified Professional Midwife to remain a criminal act for the midwife, then you must believe that anything that presents a minute risk to the life of the mother or baby is also criminal. Therefore, we should ban epidurals except when surgical birth is imminent. Oh, and we should ban surgical birth unless it is proven to be a medical necessity(we think you have a big baby is NOT one of those medical necessity diagnoses). We should ban convenience inductions which are also currently a woman's choice. We should ban all women from taking prescription drugs that may or may not cause harm to her baby unless she can prove that she really needs to them sustain her life. And of course, we should ban abortion. We should also regulate doctors to force them to be at the hospital at all times when patients are in labor because nurses are not doctors and anything go go wrong at anytime and there should be a doctor within arms reach if that happens(what?You thought a doctor was there at all times during your labor????? Don't make me laugh. How would they see there 5 bazillion other patients if they spent all their time focusing on you. Did I tell you the story about my friend's baby who was delivered by the nurses because NO doctor...not even the GP downstairs could get there fast enough because no one believed her when she said she felt pushy since they had just checked her and she was only 3cm..... and the nurses not only had to deliver a baby with heavy meconium but also had to treat the hemorrhage afterward with NO doctor on the floor of one of the largest hospitals in this city? And the mother and baby actually SURVIVED! But again....I digress).

You see, it's a double standard. We should be able to choose and accept all types of interventions which have been proven relatively safe but do carry some risk as long as a doctor or CNM is involved. But if a parent chooses homebirth, which has also been proven safe for low risk mothers, and they want it attended by the only midwife that is trained specifically in out of hospital birth, then our local government feels the need to tell us that you can't have that. It is legal for you to have the baby by yourselves, or with your neighbor, or with any other person, but if you choose a trained professional with the letters "CPM" behind her name, then we are going to have to charge her with a crime.

What if the government decided you couldn't have a repeat cesarean just because you had already had one? Would you stand for that. what if the government said you could only circumcise your son if it was deemed medically necessary? Would you be ok with that? What if your government decided that you could not take medications for nausea, depression or any other issue during pregnancy unless it was proven completely and absolutely risk free? Would it be ok with you.

All women, regardless of where and how you birth, should be fighting for the state to get out of birth all around. Women are intelligent human beings who can educate themselves on their options and make their own decisions. We should give them the benefit of the doubt as long as they are willing to accept responsibility for their decision. But therein lies my other issue:

PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY

We only have ourselves to blame for the current state of medicine. You see, we all want a GUARANTEE. We will fore go our personal freedoms for a perception of safety and security. That is what the MD designation holds for many expecting families. They really feel that as long as an MD and a hospital is involved, their birth will be completely safe and their baby will be born healthy and DEFINATELY alive. This is just not true. We have elevated physicians and yes, sometimes even midwives to the level of gods that are to be worshipped and every word from their mouths heeded with blind acceptance. We have created a legal environment where you do what your doctor says and if you don't like it, you just sue them, even if you knew there was minute risk involved. One lawsuit can wipe out a doctors career, even if he or she wasn't negligent in their care. Sometimes things just happen. We don't know why, we don't have all the answers, but they do happen.

We will never be able to remove the element of risk from our lives. If we reacted to risk in all other areas of our lives that we do with birth, we would never leave our homes. And our homes would be turned into fortresses that isolated and sheltered us from the risky outdoors, the risky interstates, the risky people around us.

When we have information that proves something is safe, we should have the freedom to choose it. We should take responsibility for our own health by gathering our own information, asking lots of questions, seeking second, third and even fourth opinions. In the absence of criminal neglect, we should not hold those who care for us solely responsible for our health outcomes. If you were deceived by a health professional, did you search out their reputation? Did you ask about his/her education and experience? I have never heard anyone say they have actually asked their doctor that. Why not? It is not only your responsibility to be informed about your health choices, but also about your health providers.

Take responsibility NC. Tell your representatives that you do not want the government involved in the choices you make about your personal health. Call them today and tell them that HB522 and SB662. Don't know who they are? http://www.ncleg.net/representation/WhoRepresentsMe.html No matter where you birth, this is a step in the right direction for all of us. And don't worry, the surrounding states that have already done this....Virginia, South Carolina and Tennessee aren't seeing moms and babies dropping like flies. I'm sure that FOX News has done full research to verify Dr. Amy's 900% stat. They should ask her for all the other statistics on all the other states as well. Since she's no longer a working OB, I'm sure she has had time to compile them since she at the computer all day. Wonder how she gets it done so much faster than Vital Statistics and the CDC. She must me superwoman.

At the end of the day, it is the consumers who must fight this battle. I, as a birth professional who is no longer having children, can only do so much. I will accept whichever way this legislation goes and the consequences that both decisions could bring. I can't say right now that I am still pro-legislation. I can say I am pro-decriminalization and pro-parent choice. But as a professional, I'm stepping back and leaving this to the consumer. Midwives will have to adjust their practice to the climate and no one is certain what that will bring, but the consumers will need to choose their fate and make their beliefs and wishes known. They will either choose to let the government determine their rights, or not. Right now, the government is telling them that their choice to birth at home is too far out of the box and punishing them by forcing experienced providers underground.

Big Brother is alive and well. Are you feeding him?

The spin cycle that is my brain on birth.............

Somehow, throughout the course of my life, I have always found myself in professions, social circles, churches and such that were somehow controversial. Some would say that is all par for the course for the artist in me. I'm not sure. Does is matter?

You should know that it is also the artist in me that finds it hard to sit down and put all my thoughts together in written form. I don't claim to have a wealth of degrees and initials behind my name. Blogging, regardless of what a powerful tool it has become, is really just thinking out loud. You don't need a degree to do it. Some people get paid to blog and I think that is cool. Some people just need a place to voice and that is cool too. Some people just need a place where they can keep their friends and family updated with photos and stories and they feel a blog is a safer bet for that than Facebook. I think they are probably right.

The internet has changed all of our lives. Videos and stories go "viral" within seconds and the pressure to get a story or a thought out there is ever mounting for those who want to reach the world with the written word. It's no wonder that we now need to consult Snopes and other urban legend fact checkers when a story goes around. Anyone.....anywhere.....anytime can yell FIRE on a crowded internet and cause a stampede. But words are powerful. People believe them. People spend hours on the internet reading and researching whether it be about something they wish to know more about, or just browsing headlines during their mundane job.

In the birth world, stampedes have become rampant. I am amazed at the stories I read and the opinions that follow in the comment section. People feel free to say anything. I do. Only a few of you who read this blog know me and chances are, I will never have to face the majority of my readers. It's power, really. Anyone can gain a little power with a blog, a Facebook page, a Twitter account, etc.

Not too long ago I was saddened to read a blog about birth whose tagline boasted a convergence of nature and science. In fact, a Certified Nurse Midwife from my very own state of NC was a featured author on that blog making it very clear that homebirth with anyone other than a CNM was dangerous and something to beware. Upon clicking on further links in that blog, I found articles that were openly bashing the natural birth community as a whole. Let me clarify....not just the homebirth community, but the NATURAL birth community(hospital, birth center or otherwise). What? Wait a minute. YOU ARE A MIDWIFE! How in the world can you contribute to a blog that would say such things about women? Who in the world would trust you? But people do. I'm as astonished that people trust her as she is that people would trust anyone with less education than she has. The blog looked like it could have been authored by Dr. Amy Tutuer herself(if you aren't sure of who I am talking about think Perez Hilton goes OB/GYN). In fact, there is no identity on that blog at all. It says it is just a group of concerned people who want truth and justice for all. Right.

Let's just be honest for a bit. Social media, blogging, tweeting, etc. is all for SHOW. Yes, the cause may be worthy and good, but the point is to get your attention. There are classes that you pay good money for that will tell you how to market yourself using social media and things like it. And most of it is free! Just by writing this blog, my website hits will go through the ROOF!

But beauty.....or ugliness....is always in the eye of the beholder. I know why the midwife posted an article on that page. She wants to get attention and make her point. At last check, there were 489 people who agreed with her enough to click the "like" button. That's a lot of exposure.

You see, I....along with other bloggers....know that someone, maybe even multiple people will talk about what we are saying. Talk is good. Ask any celebrity public relations person and they will tell you that ANY publicity, even negative, is good publicity when you want exposure.

A while back I wrote about breastfeeding and a popular scheduling technique used by many churches. I wrote that with a purpose. I knew it would make people talk. I knew it would raise awareness. My motives were good and I know that. But you, the reader, unless you know me, have no idea what my motives are. Let the beholder beware.

So when you, like me, come across a blog or an article that infuriates you, excites you, bewilders you, or makes you Google your brains out looking for more....remember that is the purpose. Truth lies in the eye of the beholder for it is the beholder that will ultimately decipher and decide what information is worthy. And all the statistics, counter points, studies and articles that refute what those people say will not phase them or their cause. For every person who hates what someone says, there are plenty of people who love it and can't wait to read more.

The beauty of it is, those of us with good motives are just as passionate and committed as those with ugly motives. We won't be stopped any more than they will. And the followers of all of the philosophies will argue their points until the end of time. As long as humans exist, so will controversy.

So how do you know who is good or bad.....right or wrong....truth or fiction? I can only tell you what I believe. Truth is truth. I decide based on my experience and my research.....not what someone tells me. I, as the beholder, look at the communicator as a whole. Does their information seem to have the motive to truly help or enlighten people? The biggest change agents of our time....even those who spoke against injustice at the cost of their own freedom, always kept their integrity intact. Their days were not spent trying to criticize and stamp out those who they saw as the enemies of truth. They spoke boldly about lies, then offered a better way. That is the difference between a reformer versus a politician....a reporter versus a gossip columnist......a challenger versus an opponent.

You, my fair reader, are the judge and jury. May you judge, convict or acquit wisely. Or perhaps you will just Google and move on...........

A DOULA IS THANKFUL..........

As the end of another year of attending women approaches, I can't help but reflect on the blessings in my life as a birth attendant. It would be easy to become distracted by the many obstacles that rolled in my path this year.....the arrest of my midwife, a divide in the doula/midwife community, the fight for the rights of women that sometimes seems an enormous mountain to climb. But in anyone's life, if you look close enough, you can see the blessings. I want to express my thankfulness for some of those here:

1. I am thankful for women who want to be informed. It isn't easy to read all the books and sift through the plethora of information on the internet to try to find the truth. These women print articles, study statistics and relentlessly pursue truth all for the benefit of the baby that they carry into this world. It isn't easy to make a decision about birth that makes your family gasp, shake their heads and murmur about you behind your back. It is hard to be the lone woman in a playgroup who doesn't make the same birth decisions as the majority. It's hard to stand for something that will inevitably cause you more pain and work than anything else in your life. But they do it....and they do it well. I am blessed to know them and serve them.

2. I am thankful for Dr. Susan Roque, Certified Nurse Midwife Marcia Ensminger, and Certified Nurse Midwife Nicole Winecoff. These women stand in the face of those who would run them out of town daily and they fight for the rights of women birthing in the hospital. They also provide an out of hospital option, The Natural Beginnings Birth Center, for women who may not be ready for a homebirth, but also don't want the trappings of the hospital experience. For those going to the hospital, they offer respect and an ear that listens to a woman's wishes. They do not strive to be in control or to manipulate a woman into doing what is easiest for them. They do not make decisions based on the possibility of a lawsuit that could wipe out their possessions and career. Despite being harassed by hospital administrators, unnecessarily investigated by fellow doctors with cesarean rates 4 times their own(who should be investigated?), they stand and serve the women who seek them wanting something better......something different for themselves and their babies. They challenge their peers with a cesarean rate of 17% in the face of others having rates over 40% and show them that it can be done. However, their lives would be less stressful and easier all around if they just gave in and played the game like the others. However, empowered birth is a cause that burns in their souls and for them to do that would be to compromise their calling and their convictions. I wish everyone knew how hard it is to stand for something so sacred in the midst of the billionaire boys club of doctors who would rather see you crash and burn.

3. I am thankful for my family. They wait for me to come home. They remain quiet so that I can catch up on my sleep. They ask about the women I birth with. They care about each one. My tween son likes to keep track of how many boys and girls are born from month to month. My four year old says that birth is fun. My husband turns off the movie we just got into with grace and understanding as I run out the door. He sleeps alone many nights and patiently keeps the fires burning at home in my absence. My mother will scramble to pick up my children so that I can reach a mother whose poor husband is calling me saying, "Please, come quick!" and she will pray fervently for the mother having a long and difficult labor. Without all of them, I would not be able to provide the care that I do.

4. I am thankful for my mentors. The midwives and women who have taught me everything I know are my superheroes. My midwife has taught me well and the other midwives that surround me have shaped and fashioned me into the birth professional that I have become. They have taught me respect for labor, compassion for mothers and the importance of a baby's first moments. They risk their freedom daily for the cause of a woman's right to birth where she desires and with who she desires. They give a woman a sip of water, hold her crying toddler while charting a blood pressure, clean a bathroom after a laboring mom vomits all over it and comfort a woman after a miscarriage. They don't have an answering service and they do make house calls. The compensation they receive is minuscule and they sacrifice their own needs to wait for a client's tax return or a father to find a new job so that the financial pressures won't put added stress on the family.

5. I am thankful for medical intervention. When it is truly needed, it is lifesaving and invaluable. When a mother develops a complication or when baby is not well, our system and technology can provide life saving therapies and support that can give moms and babies a good outcome and hope for a future.

6. I am thankful for doulas who live to serve women. These women sacrifice so much.....going into the hospital and helping women to navigate what can quickly become an island of chaos and intervention. When doulas function in their calling, they spread encouragement and hope to everyone they touch. They put a woman's needs above their own agendas or philosophies even when it is difficult. And they support the birth community....helping to make it a stronger and more united place......always promoting the needs of women and babies.

7. I am thankful for our legislatures whose names are here http://www.ncleg.net/gascripts/members/memberList.pl?sChamber=House and here http://www.ncleg.net/gascripts/members/memberList.pl?sChamber=Senate who I believe will do the right thing for women in 2012 and license CPMs to help provide a safer homebirth community in NC. I believe that they will look at the facts and recognize that homebirth is increasing, despite our antiquated laws, and that they will bring them up to date. It's hard to institute change and it comes with a lot of blood, sweat and tears, but it is crucial to becoming a stronger state and reducing our infant and maternal mortality.

8. I am thankful for North Carolina Friends of Midwives. www.ncfom.com If you have not joined, please do. They need your help now more than ever. They need your dollars...plain and simple. The work they do provides no financial compensation but costs more than you could imagine. If you ever intend to have a baby in NC, then their work affects the experience that you will have. The advocacy that they provide improves the birth environment overall for all women and they do not take this lightly.

9. I am thankful for the moms who function in my birth community. They are incredible. When someone loses their husband, they rally together and buy grocery gift cards and other needed things. When someone has a baby in June and their air conditioning malfunctions, they put their resources together and provide for her. The see a need, and they respond. When a midwife is arrested, women pledge support and resources to help her, whether she delivered their baby or not. These women exude love and understanding. They unite for a common cause despite their individual differences. They bring their nursing babies and sleepy toddlers on a three hour trip to demonstrate to their local government that they expect to be heard and counted. They bless me. When I have lost my faith in man, they remind me that there is not only hope, but abundant support always waiting in the wings.

Sometimes it is overwhelming to look around and see everything that God is doing in my life. I know that this good work will continue. It has to. Giving in to the mainstream isn't an option because too many people stand to be harmed.

So on this Thanksgiving, I will reflect on these and other wonderful blessings and remember that despite a flailing economy, an oppressed birth climate and a shameful infant mortality rate in NC, I am personally abundantly blessed by those around me. I am surrounded by people who care and who stand ready to provide something better........one woman at a time.

Does God care how I feed my baby?

I am not a confrontational person....really....I'm not. When my food isn't cooked exactly like I ordered it, I would rather just eat it than complain about it. My husband is good about speaking for me when I'm too chicken to speak for myself. Even as a birth professional, I don't give information unless it is solicited. The older I get, the less I enjoy those hard conversations.

On the day I saw the flyer, I didn't really envision a hard conversation. I was at a church where I had attended in the past as a single mother. The church had been very loving and supportive to me and had always been doctrinally sound in all of their teachings. So when I saw the flyer for Growing Kids God's Way classes forming, I took one of the tear off tabs. I wondered if, being a smaller church, they were aware of the current recommendations about feeding infants and how vastly different those were from the current recommendations from physicians, midwives and lactation professionals. I called the number and left a message.

I got a call back but missed it. A very sweet woman left a message for me. She was very excited that I was interested in classes. I began thinking that maybe my information wouldn't be welcome and honestly, just ignored the message and didn't return the call. I didn't want any uncomfortable conversation. I mean, it's the responsibility of each Christian to weigh what any man says against the Word of God, which is our final authority(2 Timothy 2:15).

But she called again. I was in the car and tired and I admittedly should have rescheduled the conversation. But God knows me better than I know myself and knows I probably would have put it off again in an effort to avoid a potentially difficult conversation. I told her I was a local birth professional and asked her if the curriculum she was teaching still taught from the Babywise book that encouraged a feeding schedule and the goal of having a baby sleeping through the night by 12 weeks. The answer was yes. I also asked if she was aware of the current documentation about infant feeding and how scheduled feedings were against all the current research as well as potentially dangerous.

I admit that I had an expectation. I really thought that regardless of how she felt, I would be asked to send some information and told that it would be looked at and that I may never hear from anyone again, but at least I would know that I had shared the truth. Instead, I was immedately met with defense for the Ezzos and their curriculum. There was no concern about the medical evidence....only that of the Ezzos. I was, however, asked to provide a scripture that proved that demand feeding was Biblical. Since I am not teaching something called "Growing Kids GOD'S Way", I really feel like the burden of proof on proving something to be God's way should be on those teaching something that is labeled GOD'S WAY! However, in order to possibly help one person who may read this and have second thoughts about using this method of feeding/sleep training for a baby, I will do my best.

Let's start with MY experience. I am a believer. By that, I mean I believe that Jesus died on the cross to save our sins and that if you believe in Him and put your faith in trust in Him as Lord of your life, then you are "saved." I believe that the body of Christ consists of ALL believers collectively, not individual churches and that we are all a family in Christ. It seemed to be a concern during one part of the conversation that I was not a member of this particular church that was holding the class. I am not, but I am a member of the body/bride of Christ.

In 1997 I gave birth to my second child. It was a failed induction that ended in a cesarean. The recovery was painful and hard. I also had a child who had a tight frenulum or a "tongue tie" and this made for some issues of great pain with nursing. Once the tongue issue was resolved, things were better, but by then my baby had become somewhat fussy and I was not getting any sleep. Combined with being in a strained marriage, already having a 7 year old and still feeling the effects of my surgery on my body, I was discouraged and exhausted. So when I walked in to my church bookstore that evening(which was 13 years ago and no longer where I attend church) and I saw on the cover, "SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT BY 8 WEEKS" I thought I must be dreaming. I would have paid $100 for the book that day. I was so tired. I bought it immediately and read it during church instead of listening to the sermon. I felt desperate. Of course, I now know that this is a normal part of mothering a newborn, but at the time, I wasn't aware of that. I began the program immediately. It was hard to implement the feeding schedule. I mean, my baby seemed hungry more often than the book said he should. In the books defense, it did say if your baby is hungry, feed him. But being in the state of mind I was, which as a birth professional I find most women end up in at some point, I was too scared to be flexible. I wanted to sleep. I wanted it to work. I wanted to follow it to the letter so it would work. The book was confusing. Sometimes it would speak to flexibility, but then it would talk about those demand feeding people who let their babies rule their lives and ruin their marriages. I wanted two things: 1. I wanted to sleep. 2. I wanted to please God. I fed my baby on a schedule....I let him cry so he could learn to fall asleep on his own and not be allowed to manipulate me. When he would cry I would feel like it was wrong, but again.....sleep and pleasing God. This was God's way. And it worked. My baby began sleeping 5-6 hours just like the book said and barely cried anymore because if they are content and happy, they have no reason to cry. I was a good mom. I was sleeping. But most of all, I was pleasing God.

As my baby grew, he developed some odd habits in his play. He would spin incessantly in his exersaucer. He crawled and walked late. He was not saying anything. He resisted being held and acted uncomfortable with snuggles and kisses. By age three, my child was diagnosed on the autism spectrum. This was in 2000 and autism was just beginning to be understood but was not the household word it is today. I was told that this was typical behavior of autistic kids to resist touch and affection and not to take it personally. HOpefully through therapy , he would learn to appreciate hugs and kisses again.

I was devastated. All those nights my baby cried for me to hold him and nurse him to sleep and I had let him cry. Now my baby didn't want to be held and I had wasted the little bit of time when he craved affection and touch. I would never be able to get those days and moments back and the days going forward would be a challenge. Suddenly, God's way seemed very uncharacteristic of God.

Please understand, I don't believe that Babywise had anything to do with my child having autism. This was an inherited condition. But there was a window of time with his condition where I could have given him that love and affection, but instead, I chose to train him to eat and sleep. When he finally quit crying and I thought I had succeeded and produced a happy baby thanks to Babywise, what I was really seeing was the haunting effects of autism creeping in. In fact, as a toddler, he hardly cried at all and still to this day has trouble with understanding sadness and reacting appropriately to it. But at the time, I mistook it for the wonderful results of being a Babywise baby which were sleeping through the night, content to play on their own and eating on the schedule.

I have to take responsibility for my actions. I began to question and realize that Ezzo's teachings, while they seemed logical, were not Biblical. However, this was being taught as God's way....not parenting tips for the Christian household.....God's way.

I am not the first person to question Babywise. Dr.James Dobson felt compelled to release a statement about it. Click HERE for that statement. In fact, I began to find out that Gary Ezzo and his wife had serious questions looming over them about their character and integrity. Those things have been condensed HERE.

I grew up in the church. I know that pastors and teachers are held to a higher standard of accountability by God. This is why I struggle to understand how church leaders can endorse and encourage a doctrine that claims to be God's design when it is written by a pastor who does not fit the Biblical criteria.

1 Timothy 3:1-7 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil. (NAS)

Titus 1:7-11 For the overseer must be above reproach as God's steward, not self-willed, not quick-tempered, not addicted to wine, not pugnacious, not fond of sordid gain, but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled, holding fast the faithful word which is in accordance with the teaching, that he may be able both to exhort in sound doctrine and to refute those who contradict. For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach for the sake of sordid gain. (NAS)

Even if only a small portion of the accuasations against Gary Ezzo are true, he has clearly violated the scriptures as one whose teachings should be considered sound.

So is demand feeding Biblical? Do the Scriptures have anything to say about the nursing relationship. Thankfully, yes.

1 Peter 2:2-3 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

I find it interesting....the word CRAVE. So apparently, it is a given that newborn babies, by God's very design, will crave the breast. In the same way, we are to crave spiritual growth. Is God saying that we should desire this growth only at certain times? I think not. It seems that we should be craving it night and day, just like a baby craves food.

Isaiah 66: 11 For you will nurse and be satisfied
at her comforting breasts;
you will drink deeply
and delight in her overflowing abundance.”
12 For this is what the LORD says:
“I will extend peace to her like a river,
and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream;
you will nurse and be carried on her arm
and dangled on her knees.
13 As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you;
and you will be comforted over Jerusalem.”

Here the prophet speaks the Word of the Lord and again, uses the nursing relationsihp as a metaphor for God's own comfort given to his chilren. We also see here the assumption that the nursing relationship is about so much more than nutrition. It is a spiritual experience. Is there any indication here that God regulates this comfort? It there any indication that it should be received on a schedule? No, it is overflowing and abundant and drinking deeply is recommended. There is no concern here for metabolism or gluttony. To reduce breastfeeding to just a feeding issue is, it seems, blasphemous.

1 Thessalonians 2: 7-9 Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well. Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you.

Once again, we see a parallel to the nursing relationship. But here, we see the Bible speak to the work and effort that it is. Did the ministers here seek their own needs? Did they worry about their needs for sleep and relationships. No, in fact, they displayed the equivalent of the nursing relationship as ministry. Could it be that nursing/feeding our babies is an act of ministering to our children? Would we regiment this? No, we would work day and night, just as they did.

Lamentations 4: 3-4
Even jackals offer their breasts
to nurse their young,
but my people have become heartless
like ostriches in the desert.
Because of thirst the infant’s tongue
sticks to the roof of its mouth;
the children beg for bread,
but no one gives it to them.

Interesting here that an animals nursing behavior is brought up. If we look at animals and the way they nurse their young, night nursing is paramount. It is the time when the mother is still and they are usually in a protected place. Could it be that even though we are above the animals, that theirs and our instincts for eating and feeding are the same?

It appears to me that the Bible makes plenty of parallels to nursing and our very own relationship to God. It is a way that we can learn to comprehend the unconditional, deep and overflowing love of God and to make it about scheduled feeding is concerning. Churches need to ask themselves:

1. Is the church qualified to teach women how to feed their babies especially when that feeding pattern is discouraged and contraindicated by the American Academy of Pediatrics, the World Health Organization, the Le Leche League and many other medical/lactation professionals who specialize in the care of mothers and babies?

2. Is the church following the the Biblical standards for teachers and pastors by encouraging the work of the Ezzos?

3. Does the church teach a balance and properly explain the relationship that the Bible makes to breastfeeding and our relationship to Christ?

4. Is the church prepared to support and be accountable for any negative issues that may arise in the health of a baby from their teaching of this curriculum?

5. Has it been proven scripturally that this curriculum truly is God's way for feeding a baby?

If I am wrong, may God bring swift correction to me.

But in my work with women and babies, I see daily how motherhood was so perfectly and intricately designed by God. A I watch the process of birth, unadulterated and uninterrupted, I see the results of "being knit together in my mothers womb" and how God has truly created a process that works. Babies are born knowing what they need and they are given their cries to express those needs and ask for comfort. Who are we to interfere with that process? Who is Gary Ezzo to change God's design? I don't believe it needs any improvement and when I stand before the Lord, I don't want to have to answer for trying to do that.

Let me way, I also realize that not everyone is physically able to nurse. I don't always know why these things happen. We live in a broken world where our bodies do not sometimes function the way we would like them to. Thankfully, it isn't often, but I have watched mothers try everything under the sun to help a low milk supply or severe latch issues. I have watched babies struggle to gain weight despite being nursed around the clock. I know that God extends the same spiritual benefits to the bottle feeding relationship when it becomes necessary for a babies to be healthy. Bottle feeding/supplementation can be done with the same closeness as nursing when it is the option that becomes necessary. Holding, loving, babywearing and keeping babies close to our bodies also provides that closeness when nursing is not physically possible.

In the end, do unto others as you would have them do to you. When you are old and unable to feed yourself and possibly unable to communicate with words, do you want your hunger ignored? Do you want your life regimented to 3 meals a day and sleeping all night. Or do you want someone to respond to you when you are hungry regardless of how long it has been since you last ate? Do you want someone to come to you in the night if you feel fear or loneliness and offer you comfort? Why do we think babies want anything any different?